Is it too late?

[trueblue1]

Well here we go….another desperate husband!!

Here’s my story I’d welcome any feedback.

We’ve been married 3 years , living together 6 years & we have known each other as firstly colleagues, then friends, lovers & finally married for over 20 years. She left an abusive marriage to her first husband to be with me.

I have spent the last 2 years focusing far too much on my work, 14 hours a day, 5.5 days a week & any downtime was spent either watching football or the odd pint with my son or checking on my mother. I didn’t try to make my marriage work, didn’t spend any time with my wife & let her down completely. Due to me snoring & my wife being a light sleeper I have slept in the spare room for a long time, hence no sex. I let my marriage drift away.

I started having suspicions that she was having an affair about 10 weeks ago & after confronting my wife 9 weeks ago she admitted `meeting someone for drinks’. I immediately made a `knee-kerk’ decision & left the marital home & have lived in a bedsit ever since. We met a week after the initial meeting, I told her I wanted a divorce (I didn’t) & we had a heated row. In a phone conversation a week later she said she wanted time to think & she would not make a decision until she returned from a weeks holiday abroad (returned 4 weeks ago).

On the Saturday before she went away she told me that she had not made a decision yet & was still thinking, yet, that evening her S16 (who had been away) txted me to tell me goodbye, he was sorry it was all over & I had no chance of ever getting back with her. These words must have come from her as he would not make it up. Then on the Sunday I was informed (by relatives) that she had introduced her son to new partner…..before she went on holiday. When I txted her about these events she neither denied or confirmed them. So despite telling me she was thinking about things it seems wheels were really rolling.

Then she went on holiday (I had paid for the holiday previously & made sure she had plenty of spending money by dropping an envelope through her front door,even though we had separated), numerous txts from me nice, good, nasty, desparate, loving, apologetic, everything I could think of. She only replied to the nasty ones apart from the odd text saying she was listening to one of `our songs’ with lots of kisses! So many mixed messages so my minds in turmoil.

To cut to the chase, we are now 2 months since I left, I have collected all my clothes etc (these were left in the shed so that we did not see each other) In numerous texts I confirmed again how much I want to prove to her I can make it work, in the replies she said, `why didn’t you do something about it until it was too late’, `I did not want to do it but I had no choice’, `why would it have been different if we’d got back together ?’, & more often than not `I’m not sure you can change, you’ve said that before’ . I know I read too much into any slight meaning in a text, even if there isn’t one there! Even 3 days ago she sent a txt saying `listening to that xxxx track’, this just sends me into a false hope situation again! New partner is with her most weekends & it seems its all over.

Should I continue to plead with her, should I try & keep quiet, even though I find it impossible. I have not texted unless she has texted me first for a week now, last text was a couple of days ago when she asked if I’d had a nice weekend, I sent a courteous reply. The only times we have spoken recently was 2 calls last week, one was 30 mins long but no pleading or desperation from me just confirmation that I can change. I am beginning to understand the need to detach but that goes against all my feelings & the fact that it just seems to be re-confirming that I don’t care (WS has always had insecurity issues – we have been in touch daily for nearly 20 years). I messed up so badly & love her so dearly, sorry if I sound desperate but I know I created the problem by not giving her my time. Its true you never know what you’ve lost until its not there anymore.

Thanks for listening