Unlearning conflict avoidance 5

[MrBond]

"Is the tone of this note okay? How would you react?"

By just telling her you'll check it out. Period. Why are you always so afraid? So what if she has a "confrontational" style? It sure wasn't like that in the beginning. She is just begging you to "man up" to her.

"Mr. Bond - I do do things with the kids - we went rail biking last week, canoeing this past weekend, and today I plan to go biking with my son. As for touching them - I'll give my son the occasional backrub, and my daughter and I horse around sometimes. We listen to interesting or entertaining stories together."

Then why do you feel so awkward to be around them? Include your W when you're with them. And if she doesn't want to participate, that's her problem. If she says 'no', then just shrug your shoulders and enjoy yourself. It's her loss.

"It is my fear of my W and her anger that are the problem."

Simple. Stop being afraid. She's only human. I think in your case you need to learn how to get angry. Stop letting her emasculate you.

"EE was a safe, sympathetic, supportive, group, with whom anything could be discussed, and help was given. I felt great afterwards."

But the problem was that the world isn't "safe". You need to learn how to deal with conflict in an assertive manner. You don't need to be rude or anything, just learn how to deal and handle situations in a confident way. Start small and then build on it. The problem is that you stop at a certain point. For example, you "rebelled" against your W when she said she didn't want the poster in your office. You felt proud about that, but then you lost that momentum and went right back to being the manservant. I mean how can you serve someone who is a b^tch to you?

"Discussing with my W is skeptical, hostile, belittling, sometimes insulting - asking her to abide by fight rules is contrary to her style, and so the experience is not at all safe."

You're not a child. You need to learn to deal with all kinds of personalities. Since the beginning your W has asked you to "man up". If you aren't going to rise to the occasion, then get a D. What's complicated about that?

Change and watch things improve, or don't and get a D.