One giant leap forward! - Part 5

[sandi2]

I think you need to lay low for a while and don't have any more contact with her that is not absolutely necessary.

I don't blame you for not wanting to take the kids every weekend. I don't think you should. You are too codependent on your M, and you need to develop a social life and build back some of that self-esteem you were getting before she kicked you in the teeth again.

I wish I could be more like Labug & Advina and give soft, encouragement to calm you down. But let's face it........that's not who I am, either. .
I will try to be as unbiased, but it will be a challenge. Having said that, I will try to reply to your question about doing the same as I advised F in his thread.

First of all, I don't believe you can just act as if nothing happened. Neither do you need to cater to her by giving her the benefits of a marriage relationship and as though you all were one big happy family. You tried it already and it didn't work out too good.

I know that there have been reports about bipolar infildelity. I am no doctor. I do not know your W. I do know how easy it is to blame bad behavior on addictions, abuse, influence of.....almost anything, mental health issues, on and on we could go. I could tell how many doctors jerked me around putting me on a lot of medication, (part was four different AD meds at once......and then taking me off all at once, cold turkey). I've read and heard that causes a lot of suicides. But when I came to this board, I was facing a tough crowd at that time. And, they would tell me that NOTHING was reason to cheat. And you know, I am glad I had that crowd to deal with, b/c it would have been so easy to use my medical condition, combined with my other issues, as my excuse. That would have not been good, b/c I needed to take ownership.

I am not totally heartless about the possibility your W may be bipolar. Neither do I believe it should be an excuse, nor should you be expected to "accept" her bad behavior if she tells you that a doctor diagnosed it as bipolar. I feel sorry for anyone in that stitch, from either side. So, I just wanted to get that said in order to say that I don't believe you should knock yourself down if you decide you don't want to keep experiencing this ordeal. There is a chance you would face it again in a few weeks/months down the road with her. Even with meds, there is that chance of repeated behavior.

Everyone needs to own up to their bad behavior. If we are handed a "reason" to be bad, then what?

Okay, so I guess I sound like I am going around in circles and not making much sense. T, please weigh all of this about your W's actions carefully. Lay low, especially till she tells you the result of the diagnosis (and she will tell you). I don't know how you will know to believe whatever she says. I just don't want you to feel guilted or pushed into doing whatever you don't want to do.