Confused and Lost

[lovethehub]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I can only imagine that many would have done the same thing when they saw that. I also don't think the text you sent was bad because you had to do something. You were fair and accepted your responsibility but didn't accept 100% of it. She may choose OM now, however, reading your posts she does seem very confused and it does not seem as if she is 100% focused on being with OM.

That is what I needed to hear. My wife actually told me about two months ago that remarrying me was the biggest mistake of her life. I know she was disappointment and felt abandon these last 6-7 months when I went back to school. That is not even including the mental abuse I gave her on top of that.

It has most likely been longer than 6-7 months that she has felt abandoned or she would be understanding and realize it was just because of school.

My wife is on a roller coaster ride. She sometimes will be inviting and other times she will flat out tell me to get off her bed. It's hard to tell if I should make a move or back off - so I tend to err on the side of caution. I so much want to go all out and shower her with love and attention but she is not always receptive so it makes it hard for me.

Yes, she is on a roller coaster ride. LBS's tend to think that the WAS is having the time of their life because they are having an A. What I found was, when I was with OM I felt happy,alive, better than I had in years. When I wasn't with him, I felt confused, sad, stressed out, not sure what to do. I wouldn't call any of the time during my A 'carefree'.

The last 5 months have been miserable and filled with sadness, pain, grief. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I salute all the people who have fought for their marriages for months and years in spite of the circumstances and pain. My heart is so shattered and my self-esteem is so down the toilet right now. I am literally faking it till I make it. Being in the same house as my wife is sometimes hard as I never really know what mood she is going to be in and it is really hard not being close and connected with her.

Can you accept that your W most likely felt the same way and for longer than 5 months? You said she wanted more of you,and you didn't give it, and you were mentally abusive. Did she know what mood you would be in? Did she feel close and connected to you?

This year has been the worse year ever. The tears, cries, pain and overall torture this emotional roller coaster has been is really beginning to take its toll on me. I don't want to live in this place forever or another six months. I want to move on with either a life with my wife or begin a new chapter if that is what will happen. I don't want to be limbo. I don't want to go home and not feel loved, not feel wanted, not feel like my wife doesn't give a rip about me. I want more than anything to be a family - to be one - to be united and intertwined in love. This is not how I envision my life to be. This is not want I want. Ahh...... I feel like this roller coaster is about to crash.

Yes, it is very painful and I am sorry you have to go through it. What you have to decide is if you are in it for the long haul. Even if W ends her A today, you still have a long way to go and it will not be easy, even if you both commit to repairing your M. There will be a lot of fears, trust issues, insecurity, etc for you and your W will need to believe that she can be happy with you again, that you will forgive her, that you aren't going to change back. It is a lot of work to restore a M after an A. It took H and I years to get back on the road and, although it feels more hopeful than ever, only time will tell. Are you prepared to deal with her emotions over OM? Over losing him (if she ends it)? To not be ready to jump right into everything if she does stay?

Don't falter! You can do this. Stand strong because right now she will make you feel like cr@p. To be honest, I would have done the same thing. However, you need to be cold and calculated right now. You made yourself look like the crazy spouse, but don't let them make you into that.

You stood up for your family. You should be proud of it.

Exactly