Me 10 months on. Positve agenda.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks F, sometimes I really think it is just the next level on the rollercoaster ride. Something just clicked about the W, her actions/lack of actions, then combined with family and friend walking away from me.
It was simply a time to stop worrying about everyone elses behaviour, but to focus on me and improving me even more. I felt that outwardly I was improving, but inwardly I wasn't. I still focused too much on the W, what she was/wasn't doing and just got to the point where enough was enough.
While I will always have hope in my heart that she will come back to me, my mind says differently now. Here come the tears. Somehow I just reached that point that the mind took over the heart. The W is set on her own path now. I (at this stage) am not part of the path she is on. If I look back over the last 10 months, I really cannot see any great positives within the separation, that may have helped us towards the path of reconciling. Yes, I accept it can and probably will take longer than 10 months. History of other LBS shows that.
In one way I have also got to the point that it annoys/frustrates/pains me, that she simply walked out, turned her back on me and really won't talk/write or see each other. Just simply, the "I don't exist anymore".
Again I know this is the way of WAS at times. I am not angry at her, yes get those feelings at times, but also understand at times what and why she is doing this.
I have reached a point where I feel like a single bloke, with two adult sons. I am not acting like a single bloke though, and that is the hard part. I am still married, still have a W, and seriously while I miss the company of my W, I also don't want anyone else to replace that at this stage.
That's the hard thing for us LBS's, we are married, but not married. We are single, but not single.
Part of my long term focus is on holidays overseas. Long service leave in 3 years. F you never know, I might come over there and have quite a few beers with you. Don't know about the sunset, cows and sheep, but I am sure we can enjoy it all the same.