Also, after watching this video (just found on another post, but I closed the window before I could give credit) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AErbVUDLoRY. The whole premise of Acting As If - is to act as if things were going to work out.
Right now, W is somewhat and very begrudgingly receptive of some positive things. I'm going to focus on those, while leaving an appropriate amount of time in between for the positives to simmer/sink in. I do not discuss the pending divorce, I don't discuss 'getting back together', on a RARE occasion, I maybe will say something like I did above where I said I wanted her and my kids to have a good relationship in case we ever did reconcile. And her response was positive compared to a week ago, where it would've been "We are NEVER reconciling."
So, I stopped talking right there to let that possibility simmer in her mind.
Here's the flip side: a mutual friend invited all of us over to a big bonfire this weekend. I asked W if she was going, and she said, "Probably not". (She feels very awkward with our group of friends because they know about her behavior).
I encouraged her to come, but said if she wasn't, could I take my step-kids? She said "No". I reminded her we had just talked about it being a good idea for the kids and her to stay connected, and why would that be any different for me? I got no response for like 15 minutes, so I just said, "Hey, no pressure. I understand things are chaotic right now with us, but I miss them, and would love to see them. Thanks"
