Not sure if there will be an anniverary tomorrow after all. Yesterday I blew it big time.
Class finished early yesterday so I decided to go see my daughter swim. When I got there, my wife was with OM sitting down watching my daughter. I was livid and confronted both of them on the spot. My wife took our daughter home and I spoke to OM for about an hour. I told him that seeing my daughter swim or participate in any activity was unacceptable. I told him that I am aware of the affair and that what he did is not right - that it is a complete disrepect for family, my wife, my daughter, etc. He kept denying it and said that they were just friends - that I am making assumptions. I told him that it was not appropriate for him to be telling my wife that he loves her, to be texting her in all hours of the next, etc. He continued to deny it and then told me that he has a lot of dirt on me and that he cares too much about my wife to tell her about it.
When I got home my wife at first laughed it off like it was funny and a misunderstanding. She kept herself busy for the first 45 minutes (putting clothes away, working on some work stuff, etc). Nonetheless, I told her that I knew about the text messages, about her going to his apartment, about them being sneaky, etc. She blow it off like it was just a misunderstanding. She even asked me to lay down next to her and go to bed. That night I couldn't sleep. I kept walking and pancing back and forth. My wife got up at around 2 am and let me have it. She told me that I had invaded her privacy, that she is very close now to just walking away from the marriage, etc.
Today she has been very cold with little contact. I feel like I really blew it and that the marriage is now lost. I was not expecting to see OM watching my daughter swim and I lost all self-control (no excuses, should not have happened). I sent her a text message this morning telling her that I love her and that I want to make it work. She replied "how do you want to make it work when your doing things like this"
I wait about two hours and sent her a long text (I know, I probably shouldn't have done it). It reads
"I don’t like how things came out the way they did. I truly believe you want to make our marriage work and so do I. It does not change the fact that you tell this guy that you love him, that you miss u and that you can’t wait to see him. It doesn’t change the fact that this OM calls you his amour. It doesn’t change the fact that you were planning on going to the beach with him for your birthday. It doesn’t change the fact that you have been secretive with your dealings with him, coming up with reasons to see him at night (coffee, going to HEB, whole foods, etc and yet it takes you 2 hours to do these errands when it should only take like 45 minutes at most). It doesn’t change the fact that you two text each other in all hours of the night and try to hide it by pretending you are sleeping under the covers. It doesn’t change the fact that you will be talking to this guy and as soon as I come in you will hang up or pretend you were doing something else. It doesn’t change the fact that every time I have asked you for a lunch date you turn me down only to go out with OM. When you love someone, you don’t do these types of behavior. He is playing the role of a husband and that is not his place. Wife, deep down I believe you want to make our marriage work and so do I. I love you so much and I am sorry for everything that I’ve done that drove you to seek this guy over me. I made a lot of mistakes. I was wrong about so many things and did not treat you like the princess you are. I want to save our marriage. I know that I have made my mistakes and I am sorry for not being the husband I should have been. I was wrong. You too were wrong for allowing this relationship with OM to get this far. I want us to be one, to be husband and wife. I believe you when you say there was no physical affair but this is an affair nonetheless. Friends don’t tell each other I love you and try to hide their activities from their spouses. There should be no secrets in a marriage and I have given you access to all my stuff. I want to do whatever it takes to save our marriage but obviously the relationship with OM is a deal breaker. You can’t pour your soul out to another person and expect the marriage to be fine. You can’t expect OM to meet your emotional needs and have a successful marriage. I understand you don’t trust me. But if we are going to make this work, we are going to both have to take a risks and fight for our marriage. I am willing to try, to make an effort. Tomorrow is anniversary and my feelings for you have not changed in spite of your dealings with OM. I love you and I want you to be my wife"
I think I just killed my marriage. I am going to IC in just a few minutes but I am not looking forward to going home. I feel awful and know that I will pay heavily for this mistake. I don't see hope but I'm holding on by a very thin string now. Help!!!
