SM34, I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I don't do as you've suggested because that's been a problem W has complained about - I work too much, always on my computer working, don't spend time with her, don't pay attention to her needs. If I acted just like that, I would be "proving her right". From previous abuse and multiple affairs with her ex-husband, she has a hard time trusting and believing someone loves her - so by dropping her, it would just hammer home to her that she's doing the right thing.
However, I am certainly maintaining distance. I will text her once in awhile about picking up my step-kids (her kids) for an outing. They consider me their dad, but she is being very weird about me seeing them, although she very much wants to see my two kids (her step-kids).
Finally, I didn't discuss "going dark" - I simply said, "Hey, let's reduce the chit-chat to essentials; we're both very emotional and this is extremely hard, and we can focus on work and the things we need to get caught up and done, and talk later."
I AM going dark, but I'm doing it in a way that isn't going to say to her "Hey, screw you, I'm not talking to you anymore" - but rather, "Hey, I know things are tough right now, I'm not leaving you alone, but just backing off". I know my W, and I know that's the right way to do it.
I have "Sandi's rules" printed out right here beside me and I am following most of them very closely; but sometimes I know when something doesn't feel right.
MrBond - thanks for commenting as well. I think your description of my W is probably more accurate.
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There are times when that happens and many times when they really just don't want to deal with the LBS and want their space.
