I don’t want to be a jerk in any way! Some part of me feel like one since I don’t give the Ds family-time but in the long run this will be best for all. So the upsides of feeling jerkish outweighs the downsides, right?
The point I want you to understand is that your W has used the excuse of giving the Ds family-time, which to her means all of you together. This is how she gets to eat cake. So, try to re-train yourself to think of family time meaning you spending time with your girls. Some day, hopefully, it will include all the family members, but for now it will be you and the children.
Quote:
The tough thing in all this right now is not having Ds around that much but I believe I will learn to enjoy my time alone. I believe W sees me as a jerk right now because I don’t want the familytime but nothing else.
When she begins to see you and the girls enjoying time together (family time) without her.....she will see a new definition in that term she uses. Right now, she is defining her version. You have your own.
You will miss them when they aren't with you, that is a fact in which you can't pretend otherwise.....nor would I want you to do so. My son has gone through his first year of divorce. He also has two little girls. He was the stay at home parent, and suddenly everything turned upside down for him.
Quote:
Before she moved out we talked about me having one of Ds a night out of schedule sometimes. I feel I could ask W this without giving her cake – do you agree?
Yes, I agree. As long as you are not doing it as favor for the W. Not that you can control her going out while the girls are in your care, but neither do you want to appear as a handy babysitter. Again, you can't get too rigid about some of these things, or you may look "jerkish" to her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
