Sometimes i wonder if they are putting something in the water. I feel so different these days, like I care, but I don't. That all these things occur and I just let them more or less roll off.
If I wasn't so happy, I would wonder about depression lol! Not saying that actions and words don't affect me, they do, but no where near how they have my entire life leading up to the now.
Sometimes I wonder if I live in a perpetual state of denial or if I am reaching a place I've never been before. Where Ruby is good with Ruby outside of anything or anyone else.
Lots of food for thought on the other thread, and time to deconstruct a little further, I think.
H says he needs to give, needs to be needed in a relationship, that after the first ten years of our marriage after I became accustomed and expected our level of living, I didn't need him anymore, so he felt useless.
Wow, is he really that shallow and insecure? That's rhetorical, of course he is It reminds me of my dad, he was very independent when he was younger, but in his 60's he said much the same thing about needing to feel "needed" and he went through one after another unhealthy relationship with women who desperately needed someone, anyone. I still shake my head when I think about some of the airheads he went out with then (he married two of them).
Quote:
He also thought that I had been having affairs all our marriage...I assured him it never crossed my mind (it didn't)
It's pretty common for people who engage in affairs to project that onto their spouses. A friend of mine who has ALWAYS been loyal to her H actually got accused of adultery by him and he insisted that SHE get tested for VD, all while HE was engaging in an affair. It was unbelievable. And even more incredible, she did it and she never asked him to do the same.
Quote:
Am I the booty call or the safety blanket between GFs? Probably, but I also know sex can be a strong bond?
It can, but just watch out for you. If you start feeling used then consider discontinuing that.
Just to inject a little humor, I mentioned the airheads my dad was running with in his 60's (he's 80 now), one of them was 20-something and... well let's just say I have a 20-year-old half brother. I'll never forget my dad's thinking on that- "well I just figured the plumbing didn't work anymore." Brilliant!
It s really good! As a slave to emotions and what others thought of me, it is also scary...and freeing...and scary and calm (who knew??)
I will check her out, you haven't steered me wrong yet
I understand this well... I've been working on learning to regulate my emotions. It's nice to feel like I have an on/off switch now, I am in control. Still working on not worrying about what others think of me part though... Can't wait to continue to read about your growth in this new thread
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
AS...omg!! Your dad's reply cracked me up As to the sex, yeah, it's a fine line (but and it was many moons ago, I posted that lack of sex was one of the things that drove H away, so it's a 180..pretty much a freaking great 180, but a 180) and while I am aware that I am probably being used, I don't feel used or devalued because it doesn't cause those emotions in me, right now.
Am temperature checking self lol!
On a side note, date with SE2 tonight. Have to see where he wants to take this, because I am certainly not ready for a relationship at this point.
Oh, and AS? Don't be too hard on the guy, it's how he was raised. His role was to make others happy, basically. Pair that with a strong used to be controlling woman like me and it would be a recipe for disaster eventually.
I am learning to let people in, he is learning to shut them out
Sometimes I wonder if I live in a perpetual state of denial or if I am reaching a place I've never been before.
Word.^^^^^
For me... I'm realizing that now, when I experience a feeling or emotion brought on by W, AP or S... that I instinctively rotate my perspective and examine it from outside of myself and try understand it. I think your feeling what loving detachment feels like. And we so don't have to be 100% all of the time. (She said to Snoopy, I mean Ruby, with a )
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
From your last thread: "So....H loves me, I am his best friend, but he is IN love with Massage girl. Massage girl has new boyfriend she lives with. New girlfriend now old girlfriend and H still wandering around like a lost puppy."
Writing for NBC might be a lucrative new career for you Ruby! Your life is sheer lunacy lately! It is so wonderful that you are feeling so calm and happy with all everything swirling around you like a hurricane. Glad you're safely in the eye! Lovingly detached - it's all of our goal!
I hate R talks, but you do so well with them. But I don't think it's a good idea to tell your H that he's in love with MG. Has he ever told you that he actually loves her?
I made a big mistake with my H. The Russian Whore knitted him the ugliest pair of vomit green booties. I said, very facitiously I thought, "hand made by a woman in love." Months later my H said I was the one who made him realize the Tramp is really in love with him and NOT just after a green card.
He also says he thought I have been cheating on him for the past 38 years. MLC svcks. Have fun tonight!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
