Attraction, oxytocin, and limerence

[2ndtimearoundCA]

"We begin dating others and truly moving on with our lives and the green-eyed monster reveals it’s ugly face and those brain chemicals kick in and finally our walk-away spouses have feelings for us again."

You're making pretty general statements. Just from what I've seen, this doesn't happen in the majority of cases. Jealousy doesn't make them come back.

I didn't mean to imply that it happens in the majority of cases. Just sometimes.

You're pretty off the mark in alot of your generalizations. I understand that you said you "read" DB when your first M was in trouble, but I don't think you understood what it was.

Please help me out here. But I am hoping to not make this thread about me. I would really love help with my situation which I am documenting Here

"I was more thinking about an entire spectrum of things that we could do or not do that lead us to be more attractive. sandi2's 37 rules would be examples."

First of all, these aren't Sandi's rules. They are written in the book.

I get that, but they are referred to as Sandi2's rules several places on this site. So I used that as a reference.

Second, the rules aren't done to "make you attractive". It's to help you cope through all the confusion with what's going on. It gives you something to concentrate on so you're not entirely thinking about your spouse.

Many of the rules do help us not be less attractive at the very least.

" What if we made a rule to never say anything negative to our spouse no matter what."

No one said you had to do that and obviously it's impossible.

"Always frame everything in the positive. Would that be a game? What makes something a game? If we are acting as if everything is great when we feel terrible is that not a game?"

No one said that you had to act "as if" everything were great. It's the act of respecting the other WAS's right to decide to D. You don't have to agree with it.
If you didn't change the behaviors or those things that your W said turned her off, then no amount of dating is going to get her back.

You have only been at this for a very short time, yet have gone out on several dates. That speaks less about your W and more about who you are. You don't need to date to be happy.

I am not sure what my dating says about me. Nonetheless, I am currently only dating my w and will be seeing her on Wednesday. I would love help with that, but again, I didn't want to make this thread about me.