"Always frame everything in the positive. Would that be a game? What makes something a game? If we are acting as if everything is great when we feel terrible is that not a game?"
No one said that you had to act "as if" everything were great.
Interesting, I understand acting "as if" to mean (for example) when you're WAS asks "How are you?" you say "I'm great"... even though you are really dying inside and you'd rather tell them how much you love them and want to make things work. Instead you say "I'm great" and paired w/ your GAL's they believe it's true; you show them you're moving on with or with out them.
Is that not correct? If not then, geez. The conversation I just had was my WAH an hour ago, w/ me trying to stick to the DB GAME-plan..... telling him all is well when he asked me how I was doing (since I've moved and live all alone w/ no family and friends), instead of being truthful, was wrong?
So there ARE times where I can be simply honest and say "Things have been really hard. I miss you."??? This is not what I've grown to understand. Hmmm.
I understand everyone's POV though, b/c my H bomb dropped AFTER I worked so hard w/ DBing. That's when I realized that the DB techniques are mainly for the LBS, to help make them a better person....
But when a book is titled Divorce BUSTING & Divorce REMEDY.... those picking the book up and naturally going to think the things inside are going to help bring thier spouse home and that's their goal, I don't think it's wrong for any one to use what they are learning to reach that goal. But it's best that the changes are permanent, b/c if they do bring the spouse home it needs to be legit in order to keep them there.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
