NERO FLOATING- throw that line.....

[albamarie]

I'm open for now Nero, but since I have to fly in, I need a notice and a bed !

I would love early October, you guys are known for your beutiful fall. Big sweaters, drinks, good food and good friends sounds good to me.

If you need a walk thru about your computer let me know, maybe you can just reformat.

So first week October anyone?

[nero]

hi everybody-

thanks so much for the notes - i'm soooooo over this hospitalization and the drs and crazy sister dunning me about the stinking cellphone. it's going to end up down her throat soon.

h w ow - hate him...

cool & pretty day

gotta go- thanks alot - it's nice to have something to read- somebody knowing i'm here & sayin hi - i'm not as pitiful as that sounds- it's true tho. nice to get "mail" here.

i think of linda alot- this business of knowing about h w/ ow and supposing to just "be okay" with it-

i'm not rabid or bleeding- but not "okay" either. it's a mighty funnyplace to be . not the good "funny" - wierd and very wierd.

oh well- hospital crappola so hopefully gonna shove h & his junk out of my mind.

xxoo and thanks again for words of support & commisseration gang- I sure need them sometimes.

[RosaLinda]

Hi Nero! I hope your poor old mom is on the mend. It sounds like it, if she's yelling at you! I'm sorry your H told you he was with the Fat Cow Didn't he say that YOU were his girlfriend??!! I can feel my H drawing closer to me the past few days, pursuing me a bit. Maybe because I am pulling awY from him, he's doung Snodderly's pursuer-distancer tango! Unfortunately, RT seems to be able to feel that too, and pushes and demands and bitches until he gives in to her. Dopey man

Any luck with facebook? Nero DB seems to be taken by a dance band! Maybe Ms Nero DB or DB Nero?

My eye surgery is Wed 9/4 but the surgeon said I could drive in 2 or 3 days. How would the weekend of 9/7 sound? I could drive in Fri or Sat and home Sun or Mon. Maybe Dawn could fly in Thurs. uRw works Sundays but we could get together Fri and Sat at least. If not I'll still drive to NJ on Sat 9/14, maybe you could get away for lunch?

[nero]

hey hi-

one comment to your observation about your h & being nice. it is my experience that my H - as he approaches an assignation- he becomes alllll nice and pleasant, etc. my take is that on some wierd level-

1) he's happy and excited about his big upcoming adventure and so he's feeling "generous" to me. (this is sickening to feel and think- but this is my honest reactions)

2) and then, part of me thinks he needs to check in and check up and MAKE SURE i'm all in my place in his life and still "there" (whatever that means- idk-i don't think it's conscious on his part). he makes sure his "old life" is all intact- before he can go enjoy his new one.

the second notion- is not exact science. if i scream or yell- he goes anyway. HE IS SOOOO immersed in thInkng he's in LOVE (I GUESS - tho he won't say it to me- he said it to her in that e-mail - but then he was saying it to someone else also at same exact time- so? sick or sad or both) anyway tho- HE IS WILLING TO TAKE THE CHANCE with me walking away.

oh yeah - the pivotal thought going on tho- in the background -

3) part of me also thinks (and he's said this a million times - "i know what you think" "i know what you'll do") he is SOOOOOO ABSOLUTELY F'ING CERTAIN ABOUT ME- how i feel, what i'll do- etc. he does not believe i will walk away from him. your h is probably absolutely certain somehow that you will always "be there". forever. if he wants you in 20 years- i believe, that they believe, they can reclaim us.

PERSONALLY - I THNK it's garbage and they under rate us. maybe not- i'm still here- tho i do have a notion it's my decision "to stand". for whatever reason- this would take three years to dissect- for either of us... the WHY (every nuance)

the time frame- the 7th would be good - - i've been feelin bad to think the whole trip was queered - if ur works sun and ya wanna come fri and leave sat- that would be good. if you want to come by self that could be good. if dawn can manage it- that's okay. if it's just for lunch - that's okay- i'm pretty darn loose - in general - in life.

maybe this will inspire me to do some HUGE amazing DE clutter in life- . i'm even forgetting for one moment my mother and geting her home from hosp- etc. in life. i'm hoping tht will all somehow iron itself out- i'm sooooo DONE with it all. maybe nazi stuffedshirt sister will take over and make it happen WITHOUT ME BEING THE WORKER BEE that is actually present and putting in the time & work - yeah, rite....

i need to say out loud that i haven't "entertained"in a million years - so i'm not Martha stewart. (i may not be an "exciting" hostess either- FEEDBAck last fewyears is less than glowing - my kitchen is small as a twinkie and i haven't planned meals in years- but i'm willing and will try and get this garden &house tidied up alot more than it currently is..... ta da...we can just visit and "wing" it all. the connecting being the important part.

SO - DO I make a new e-mail address with some other provider- then open myself up a fb as something like nerosgarden db? i'll go give it a try- i would like to meet you (funny- we all share so much to think i don't know you guys)

this cloak and dagger stuff is soooooo jerky- and not me. the lengths i feel i need to go to for what? really? so this guy that says he doesn't care- finds out something or another??? aside from being a stinking whiney wounded animal- what have i got to hide so much??? my weak underbelly?

that being said- my new notion of my family is that it's nothing more nor less than "animal instinct" going on here. we're a "pack of jackals" and i am last couple years (or was anyway) the "wounded animal" - they can smell weakness or sickness - AND I MEAN SMELL - the minute you're "limping" they gotta eat ya - or leave ya to be eaten. no more- no less- you're goin down if you're not keepin up with the pack...

nice huh? nothin personal man- just "business". we coulda been mobsters huh???

okay- let me go try the fb thing. xxoo have a good day

[albamarie]

Sept 7 can work...make that fb so we can talk.

[albamarie]

TOday nero, so I know what and where to book!

[nero]

Hey dawn-
ok-

i'll do it as soon as i get off here. got tied up in hospital calls, etc.

me- no life ya know.

[RosaLinda]

How is your mom doing Nero? Better I hope! Is your sister helping out or just still barking out orders?

[nero]

hey hi-

she actually is going there this morning so i can just laze into the day for a change. i'm so excited i can't move. i'm having sympathy (i guess) "symptomology" with mom- hopefuly it's my neurotic side joining in- and not some stinking germ i've caught from her!!

Nice - huh?

yesterday was kind of tiring- they all are. i'm sooooo "over" it all- hospitals-

had lovely birthday chat with my neice in DC this morning- she's turned 30- God, can remember babysitting her and she'd organize and sort buttons and decorate my workroom with stickers, etc. just tons of memories all happy of that lovely little girl- sweet, introspective, intuitive, etc.

she's a nice adult - maybe like me in that she's got guilt and worries alot. i'm better than i used to be- i try and share with her my conclusion it's mostly all for naught- she's figuring it out on her own alot tho - talking with her helps me also to get this junk in perspective. talking to someone who is speaking from experience always is nice, rather than a known ("non-believer") giving you trite and dopey advice about some thing they cannot and do not understand - or even begin to chip the surface of...

it was good way to begin the day here-

[RosaLinda]

that sounds like a nice start to a lovely relaxing day. Just what the doctor ordered for you Ms. Nero! Do NOT psychologically catch your mom's illness! Nope!