I have not gotten any feedback so far as to how to act at home or even now while I am away. Rule 19. "No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment." How can I be Happy and show happiness to my wife while she admits to having an affair and that she "can not end it"?
You show contentment about YOURSELF and YOUR OWN LIFE . . . NOT with her current infidelity and behavior.
If you cannot distinguish between the two, then you are enmeshed with her and co-dependent (good book: "Co-Dependent No More") . . . it's tough. I'm very co-dependent by nature as well. It's the whole "If I do/say that, how will that make her react? Will she be angry? How will her reaction make ME feel?" . . . instead of one of DOING THE RIGHT THING, regardless of how she reacts to it. Doing the thing that God Himself would have you do, if He were standing right in front of you, and let her reaction be what it will be and understanding that that part of it is NOT your responsibility.
Your goal right now is not to please your wife, nor SHOW her, anything. It's to work on YOU, and to please yourself and God, by working on your own issues and becoming the man that YOU realize you need to be. It's the double-bonus of DB'ing that that is also the best chance you have to re-attract your wife, but you have to also realize that there are no guarantees, and you may just be making these improvements so that you don't duplicate the same mistakes in your next relationship(s).
