BF,thanks so much for dropping in. Doing OK for a now 50 year old!!!
Seriously, some good friends have stepped up and made sure I have had a good day. Lunch and shopping with one set of friends and dinner out with another.
Heard nothing from my partner, but as last years bd was so awful its probably just as well. He had talked of "dropping in" this week, but obviously remembered just in time, and I told him I wasn't going to be around after today. Off to catch up with family and more friends, so should be a good week - just so long as they don't ask to many questions. Avoid R talk with them just as much as I do him.
Better things to think about this week - wish it could always be like that!
The feel good factor from my trip appears to have diminished into nothing...
A week back, more house viewings, and I seem to have slipped back into a darkening hole. A silly tv show just threw a spanner into the works to finish me off. (A couple with the flu looking after each other!!).
I guess talk about selling the house (again) isn't helping. but I haven't seen my partner for several weeks now (we had a brief spell of e-mails, about the house, a couple of weeks back) and he hasn't stayed here now for 4 months. I guess I feel he has gone completely (although his things haven't) and I cannot see how this can change now.
I had to see my doc re BP checkm (good) this week, but she and I have some concerns regarding my eye. I had shingles a couple of years back in my eye, and on my face. Stress (I think) is causing my problems currently with my eye. She has recommended I take medication to help me sleep for a couple of weeks and to take it easy and avoid too much stess (HOW?) otherwise the shingle may return. ( I hope not, I never felt so bad).
I have been reading posts about LL, realising I haven't always been the best at meeting his? Unfortunately there is little I can do about that at the moment, however I have learnt a lesson should he ever come near me again. that seems so unlikely right now.
I guess sitting back patiently is in order, its the house thing that messes with that...
How does the saying go? "It will be alright in the end, and if its not alright its not the end"
Well nothing seems right, so I guess I am not finished in any shape or form.
It doesn't feel like we will get through this together for the first time since BD (just over a year now) I guess because I haven't seen him for over a month, and its been 2 weeks since he has e-mailed. Yet it doesn't feel right to me that we will never be together again. Even being in our house doesn't feel right either.
I feel like I am drowing in a wave of despair. I don't quite know where it came from, but I can't find my way out of it either. No Panic, just the feeling of being held down... And I have no answers today.
hey there, no answers just know how you are feeling. Are we ever done? I try and look for something good everyday- sunshine, not getting stuck in traffic, small pleasures...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
We have received another offer on our house, but he has turned it down without even discussing it with me. Not that I would have disagreed on this occasion, however he has gone back to them with a counter offer which he also hasn't discussed with me, which I don't agree with.
More viewings next week, which I have to deal with - again...
But when there is actions to take, he seems to drag his feet. Selling a house is stressful enough, but with an MCL'er missing in action it can be mind blowing!
I think they keep coming for quite a while, but the gaps between get longer and longer.
Read Beatrice's recent posts for a message of hope.
She also thought she would feel this way for the rest of her life, but it gets better.
On the feet-dragging: I think they do this as part of the script. There's always something that keeps them going at us. They can't just break off completely. But it's cruel and it teases us into thinking we might be seeing baby steps.
I'm not so sure any more. Often seems like a sign they are still firmly in replay: confused and selfish.
I'm just trying to resign myself to a very long haul.
I don't believe they will ever have a chance to do the work they need to do while they are still 'connected' to us.
Being connected financially/practically means we are always 'available' to be blamed for how they feel/what is happening in their lives.
You might like to search out Ali Suddenly's posts for a glimmer of hope. Her sitch was a bit similar to yours and she is a great writer:
I looked at some of Ali suddenly's early posts, and yes, there are many similarities. I must go back and read some more, I could certainly do with some encouragement today.
I have had two calls from the estate agent already this morning (early sun am), can't they just leave me alone?? I ignored them and took the dog out... much better idea.
These MLC'ers seem to push you into one thing and then pull back when what they "wanted" starts to take shape, leaving you with the fall out.
I am angry with him today. For all manner of reasons, the least of which is him leaving.
I had hoped that this far in I would feel better about this, and sometimes I do (mainly when I am left alone, peacefully, to just do my own thing). When I start getting calls about the house and emails from him (that say "must catch up" etc and nothing ever happens) and people poking around my home, I don't feel better at all!
However, I do think you are right about them not working things out while there is a connection, but disconnecting them isn't as easy as it sounds either.
