Newcomer's brief summary

[too trusting]

DD, earlier you wrote:

Here are some of my short term goals:

and you requested my response, so I'll take them one by one.

- want her to end affair by December 25, 2013

that one isn't under your control. scratch it for now.

- have her initiate conversations with me, calls, texts.

you might be able to gradually do this. here's how: remember that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

so if she happens to call you or send you a text, respond positively afterwards. say to her in the evening, "you know, it was really nice to hear from you today. I was thinking about you too." when she happens to do something right and you compliment her about it - it increases the likelihood that she will do it again. (this works with kids too btw.)

if she doesn't do it on her own initiative, you can suggest it. like "you know, I'd be really happy if you would call or send a text in the middle of the day, just to let me know how things are going for you." and then if she does - compliment her on it afterwards. see if this method will encourage her to do it without you telling her.

but whatever you do, don't demand. you can request nicely, but if she doesn't do it after a few requests, let it go for now.

- have her approach me and want to be around me

think of what can you do that will make her want to be around you? and then do it. this should be part of your general "making yourself the best man you can be" (not for her but for yourself.)

- see me as I make improvements, notcie that I'm a kind, loving, patient father to our boys and become engaged with us.

keep doing those things and eventually she will notice. she can't help noticing. keep up the good work and be patient.

- consistently agree with her feelings and not question them

that's something you can work on. but don't do it in a wimpy way. validate her feelings, let her know you agree with her when that is true, but avoid criticism when you don't agree. you don't have to pretend to agree if you think she's wrong, but you can say it in a diplomatic way, like "I think differently, but I understand your reasons for feeling that way." (and then don't continue to argue about it.)

- start spending time together; go out, dinner, movie, something!

hmm, how did that work before you were married? oh, I know! you asked her for a date!

why don't you suggest going out to a restaurant, just the two of you? get a babysitter for the kids. don't insist if she says she doesn't feel like going out, but think of ways to tempt her to do it. maybe a special restaurant or movie. and of course don't bring up the suggestion at the last minute, ask her a few days ahead of time.

and when you are out together, no discussing any everyday problems or household matters. it's a fun evening!!!

then a week or two later, suggest doing it again "because last time was so much fun". try to aim for a weekly or biweekly "date night".

- have her want to come home earlier and want to be here with me and be happy while at home.

well, that depends on you, fella. become the best man you can be - the one she enjoys being with.

good luck!