25, underdog, BA and Linda,I will read and reread posts again when I can spend more time. Busy couple of days as we all have. Class starts Monday and I already have 6 chapters to read. usually like to get up about 4 central time to read. H and I suppose to have lunch together tomorrow to discuss finances I suppose. May cancel, I don't know. perhaps he will view it as avoiding. If we do meet, I will plan to only talk business. no R talk, try and listen and validate. I will say nothing about ow. I will be pleasant, not cry and be conscious of not making smart remarks. wish me luck...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Tip: Write some notes to yourself on an index card "Strictly business" "Be the woman he'd be a fool to leave" "You are a goddess"
whatever - and stick it in your pocket. If things get stressful, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, pull out the card, and read your affirmations while you regroup.
h didn't call or text so we did not meet. he came by in the eve to tuck d into bed. I was working on hw and he left.
need to figure out how to change my sleep habits. I get so tired by 9pm.eyes are tired, brain is tired. I fall asleep watching tv.s16 is by himself way to much! I get up at 11 and 12 and tell s to go to bed..
some days I feel so crazed!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
start my classes today. need to figure when I can get in some exercise for me.have an ic appointment tomorrow. going to discuss 'my issues' jealousy has always been a big one for me. sometimes wish I could just let go of h and move on with my life. h spend so minimal time with kids. I allow it. kids don't want to spend time at his apt.this is their home.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I learned early on, your h's relationship with his kids is between them. You can be a sounding board but don't try to fix it. They have to work it out for themselves.
Good luck with your classes.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
so lunch got rescheduled for today. Part of our negotiations was I am supposed to get a new(er) car. I've got my list and costs Also to be discussed, health insurance for me and future costs of care of d. d will never live independent. Group homes are very expensive
I love my job of taking care of the kids. being involved and doing for them. I know though that I have underlying resentment( to h)...it festers there. how to get rid of it?
Know I shouldn't but want to ask h, how is he ok with me do everything for kids while he does his own thing?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
You are right, it won't help you to ask. Keep it together during your discussions. Keep emotion out of it. When you get all emotional and in his face, this just confirms that he did the right thing by leaving.
Good luck today. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
If you can't find a recommended local attorney or CPA to help you, I know that Met Life has a group there that specializes in the SNT. Do something to address this stuff legally. You don't want her missing out on Medicaid benefits, and there are so many things to remember when setting this up.
The first thing mandated by our mediator (as well as the attorneys) was that each of us need to fund $500K of assets apiece to the SNT. We figured out where the assets were going (house, 401Ks, IRAs, stock, etc. and filled in the gaps with insurance.
My D16 has a year and a half to go before she turns 18. I've already got the paperwork to get started on legal guardianship. Like you, my D will never be able to live independently. Nor can we afford a group home at close to $4K per month. Just remember that your D will be in transition until she's 21 so she will have a place to continue going to learn more life skills until then. So you have 6 years to figure this out in logical steps.
It's REALLY important that you start working WITH him to secure her financial future.
Quote:
I love my job of taking care of the kids. being involved and doing for them. I know though that I have underlying resentment( to h)...it festers there. how to get rid of it?
It happens when you're scorekeeping.
Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it. Every time you find yourself starting down that cheeseless tunnel of the blame game, tell yourself that you're so glad your kids have YOU for a mother. Tell yourself that you'll be OK.
I know it's hard, but you have to begin somewhere. You deserve better, and so do your kids. Your D15 deserves all of happy you too.
Don't know what your situation is, but I was eligible for spousal medical and dental insurance post-D through his COBRA for 3 years. I didn't take him up on the medical portion, as I found an independent policy was cheaper. He kept the kids on his family plan - his insurance is really good.
Try to separate your emotions from the business aspect of the split. You need to protect yourself and your kids. And since you have to secure a career with income potential, don't be afraid to go for the spousal support too.
Do you have an attorney yet? PLEASE find one that works with folks like you. Call your local CCB (they are the arms of the Dept of Human Services here in Colorado that administer financial and community support to the counties) to see if they have any resources. My CCB has an attorney who is also a parent of a special needs kid, and he has a kick ass list of attorney references.
Good luck!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I tried. I failed... I hate this so bad. I had even gone to church this morning to ask for courage. I cant keep the emotion out. I cant seem to shut my mouth
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
