New to This - An English Man In Trouble

[Hadlee58]

Just Updating to keep me focused:
My wife and i had our discussion on 'us' on thursday night i could tell she was up tight about it and she brought up she hasnt had any of 'her' time these last few weeks since our return from holiday, never having a chance to soak in the tub or read her book, i listened and validated well and her parting shot was that things are improving slowly, i kept fairly quiet as i could tell she was uneasy about discussing.
I had a rollercoaster of a weekend, we did a mexican themed night for the kids on friday which was great fun and we all enjoyed, something we never did enough of, after the kids were tucked up in bed we sat and had a few drinks and enjoyed each others company.
I had to work on Saturday morning which was a pain but helps with the bills I found a 'lump' on one of my testicles during the week which has worried me and i brought it up on Saturday night, she was very good about it offering to take me to the doctors, i booked an appointment for sunday morning at the walk in centre and they put my mind at rest to some degree and told me to speak to my own doctor as soon as i can.
I put forward a day out into Liverpool on Sunday (for all of us) which she was keen on and we had a really good day out as a family however it turned pear shaped as the evening went on. W had a couple of mosquito bites on her shoulder which i suggested we get her some anti histamine tablets on our return - she replied that i didnt need to tell her that and she already new that - ouch!! She also got caught out with womens monthly issues whilst we were out, we looked for somewhere to buy some bits from whilst we were out to no avail however on our return home i offered to jump on my bike and get her some bits, this i did as i thought it was the right thing to do however i could tell she was in one of her moods with me and to be fair at this stage the kids were tired and not helping the situation although they probably sensed the atmosphere wasnt good, on my return from the shop we didnt dicuss further and she went to bed clearly unhappy.
Yesterday morning i got an early start as i needed to go for a run before my half marathon in two weeks on my return her mood was no better and she indicated that she was taking the kids out for the rest of the morning and i wasnt included. I did push a little to try to understand her issues as my views was that i was acting as a helpful husband throughout her views were somewhat different:
My bringing up the anti-histamine was me controlling her.
Not stopping on our way home for her essentials was again me deciding what we do, i indicated that she could have actioned this too but she replied as has been for years what she says doesnt matter and doesnt get listened to.
Me going out to get her the bits she needed leaving her with washing to bring in and kids playing up was not fair - It was late and dark and we had a couple of drinks so i didnt feel comfortable her going out alone in the dark - again me controlling her.
She indicated that she is very tired and never once got to have a sleep in over the weekend or time to her self to have a bath or relax - if i had discussed my lump earlier in the week with her i could have actioned earlier and she wouldnt have been left with the kids early in the morning.
Her parting shot (with tears in her eyes) was that we are not communicating and its not got any better and she probably have a better life if she was a single mum - painful to hear!
After she left i did send her a small text indicating that i understand her concerns and that we need to work on them things to have any chance of us improving.
She did seem to have relaxed on their return and we had her parents round for a BBQ last night that went well, after they left and we had the kids in bed we did talk through the communication part briefly before she took an early night as she was shattered.
Its our 9th anniversary today and we did cards this morning, i arranged for the kids to write us a card and they brought her in a bunch of flowers which put a smile on her face. Her card to me said that its been an awful year and hopefully things will get better. I am cooking her her favourite dinner tonight although understandably celebrations this year are on a low burner.
Apologies for all the detail i havent expressed my own views on all of this, alot to take in from the highs and lows of the weekend - but writing down has helped.
Life is tough!!

H xx