wife hardends heart-3

[planet]

In this country, you call the police or family court when threats like that are made. It also sounds unstable of her.

I have advised her to seek counseling over her 'anger' issues. It's not healthy and she acknowledges it but refuses to do something about it. I am responsible over her current state of 'anger' and i just want her feel better.

Do you have a L or not? You need an advocate.

We will be revising our joint divorce agreement to include the new arrangement. L will oversee the revision.

I don't know how much it is, or if it is any of HER business at all. I'm just saying your situation is not a good one.

It is a really small amount to give to my parents but since W says that i should prioritize her and the kids, i have stopped giving.

Your w & children are your priorities. If you cannot afford a place of your own, you are in no position to be supporting your parents. Save up to have a place for your kids, with You.

I intent to get a place of my own. Saving up is going to take a very long time. I hope that my project takes off and that should make things a little bit easier.

It sounded like your lifestyle was pretty high. You could have cut down a little and just been happy with what you had. And your W should have supported you.

Does she bother you about what your spending habits were? If you're going to talk to her about finances, you also have to do it in a way where she doesn't sound accused of something.

Our lifestyle was pretty high. It's too much for me and i have let W know in the past but she always thinks that we can manage.
I don't have a spending habit. I don't really have much to spend anyway. I gave almost everything to W.

[planet]

25yearsmlc
You are right. I know what i did in the past. Not a good H, father and a lover. I can't change the past.
But I want to be a better man.


I have moved out for 2 days. It will take many more days to adjust to the new environment.

My family have been very kind and helpful. I wish people would just get to know them personally. There are not monsters like what i have posted them to be. I was horrified when i read my earlier posts. Somehow others may not get the right impression. It seems like they offend W every time they meet. What i wrote are isolated cases and were played out in different times over the course of my relationship with W. Yes, what my family said or did were wrong but it is never their intention to hurt nor punish anyone.

I have gone back to visit my kids after work yesterday. It's the first day since i left. To me it's kinda odd. I would expect W to have me as a guest but i had to get things and food from the kitchen myself for dinner just like old times. After that i helped D4 with her school work and spend time reading to my kids. It's really hard to find the right answers to D4's questions about my leaving our home. I really do miss them.

I will still see W if i visit my kids everyday. It feels like nothing have change but it's just that i don't sleep there anymore. How do I start having a conversation with W if she just simply not interested to even talk.

[planet]

Did you see the rest of my post?

Why do you believe God won't take you back OR

Are you just saying you are now an atheist? Just curious. You DO need to talk to someone.

I'm not sure which write up you are pointing at.

More like an agnostic. Just not 'GOD(s)' from any religionist describes 'Him' or 'Them' to be. I'm sorry if anyone is offended by this statement.

I'm searching for personal counselling that i can afford.

I hope you are documenting all of these unstable events... threatening to kill herself and others would not give me much confidence in the person legally entrusted with the well being of my children.

I don't know, PM. It seems like anger talking but i wouldn't take her threats lightly. She has been this way ever since we were dating but those episodes are rare and far between. Her family believes she will follow through her threats of past events between them. Nobody from her family stands up to her.

[PatientMan]

I don't know, PM. It seems like anger talking but i wouldn't take her threats lightly. She has been this way ever since we were dating but those episodes are rare and far between. Her family believes she will follow through her threats of past events between them. Nobody from her family stands up to her.

Document it - you might need proof later on. I'm surprised both you and her family seem perfectly fine leaving your children in the care of someone so unstable and irresponsible with, at the very least, her words.

Either she is NOT serious and needs to learn that threats to herself and others are not okay and need to stop immediately, or she IS serious and her capacity to care for her children is in question.

-PM

[planet]

My court divorce hearing is scheduled for next Friday. I seriously thought this was going to happen somewhere in December but not in 10 days.
Everything seemed fast tracked. From BD in May to signing the joint petition in June, moving out just last weekend and this!
It's a hard smack in the face.
W says she feels very pressured and hopes the court hearing will come and go as soon as possible. I didn't know how to react to that statement but just managed a nod.

My partner lost his business 'direction' and started to vent. I validated him and tried my best to keep my own emotions in check. This sudden lost of faith effects my 'direction' too. This is another hard smack in the face.

Two bad news in tow. Felt hopeless. Can't find that silver lining.

[MrBond]

"Everything seemed fast tracked. From BD in May to signing the joint petition in June, moving out just last weekend and this!"

You haven't come up with a plan yet. IT really doesn't need to be over so quickly.

"W says she feels very pressured"

I'm sure she does.

"and hopes the court hearing will come and go as soon as possible."

Because she is confused and thinks once you're D'd it would ease the pain. It won't.

"My partner lost his business 'direction' and started to vent. I validated him and tried my best to keep my own emotions in check. This sudden lost of faith effects my 'direction' too."

Why so? If you've learned anything about DB it's that you take a bad situation and see what can make it better. That is a choice YOU can make. Donald Trump was once asked if he regretted going bankrupt and losing everything. He said he didn't because it gave him a chance to learn from his mistakes. From there he reinvented himself. He changed from a regular real estate investor into a brand. He's not exactly my idol, but what he said makes sense. You have a chance to let the failure define you or make you better.

Two bad news in tow. Felt hopeless. Can't find that silver lining."

[MrBond]

YOU are the silver lining.

[planet]

You haven't come up with a plan yet. IT really doesn't need to be over so quickly.

Plan?
I can't stop this. The date is set. The judge will be hearing our joint petition in 7 days. After that, D will be absolute in 3 months.
I don't think W wants to turn things around. She's still angry as ever. She's still rude to me. She told me that she doesn't love me anymore. She told me that she may want to have a R with OM after D is final. She's overly stressed (consulted a doctor). She doesn't even want to look at me let alone have small talk.
All I can do right now is being a father to my kids. I visit them everyday. I do my best to be positive when I'm around W. Keep on Dbing.
What else can I do but to accept things as they were? Please show me.

[MrBond]

You may not be able to "stop" the paperwork for your D, but it's just a piece of paper. You do have a shot at saving your R with your W.

[25yearsmlc]

25yearsmlc
You are right. I know what i did in the past. Not a good H, father and a lover. I can't change the past.
But I want to be a better man.

****That's the silver lining. Becoming a better man to your children, and for them, is no small thing.

I have moved out for 2 days. It will take many more days to adjust to the new environment.

My family have been very kind and helpful. I wish people would just get to know them personally. There are not monsters like what i have posted them to be. I was horrified when i read my earlier posts. Somehow others may not get the right impression. It seems like they offend W every time they meet. What i wrote are isolated cases and were played out in different times over the course of my relationship with W. Yes, what my family said or did were wrong but it is never their intention to hurt nor punish anyone.

You wrote true events, when your family hurt her AND worse, to most women, is when their husbands do not stand up for them. It feels like betrayal & is seen as either disrespect of the wife, in our culture, and or

Weakness in the husband for not taking a stand. It's part of being a provider. Provide security & support includes emotionally as well, not just financial.

Anyhow, in TIME, your w will recall the other good moments. Good feelings and memories will re-surface if they are there.



I have gone back to visit my kids after work yesterday. It's the first day since i left. To me it's kinda odd. I would expect my wife to treat me like a guest but I have to get things myself and food.


Why on earth would your wife Elevate your role to "guest"? She thinks she is doing you a favor by allowing you in "her" home. Why wouldn't you manage for yourself?

Plus this is supposed to be your FATHERING time to be with your kids. She should not even have to be there. I wish she weren't, frankly.



After that i helped D4 with her school work and spend time reading to my kids. It's really hard to find the right answers to D4's questions about my leaving our home. I really do miss them.

I will still see W if i visit my kids everyday. It feels like nothing have change but it's just that i don't sleep there anymore. How do I start having a conversation with W if she just simply not interested to even talk.

You do NOT bring up the relationship. Have you read the books that are the basis for our approach?

Read Divorce Remedy ASAP, and do Not give it to your wife to read. It's just for you.

GetA Life = "GAL" & we say it often here. Because it works.

What 180's are you doing to contrast her negative views of ou?

What NEW activities are you doing to make yourself feel more alive, more interested & more interesting?

Take a class, JOIN something like a book club or writing group or a team, or volunteer somewhere.

You need a little mystery in your life and you need to start feeling better about yourself...for YOU and to also be more attractive.

Do NOT act as if you can nEver be happy or loving or loved again. You can & you will, hopefully with her.

Please get the Book that is advertised here. Amazon has it online.

Divorce Remedy is really the 2nd edition of Divorce Busting. Either is good, but I like the second one better.


Show her the new, changed you (with action, not words). Become a man only a fool would leave. What were you like when she fell in love with you?

Be confident but not pushy. Make sense?

Good luck, and do get the book!