let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Why are you still snooping?

Why are you still persuing? you better not go on a date as friends- you will fail

Get busy on you.....extra bonus points if you can start doing things yourself- learn about yoursel. You have been a couple for so long you don't know who you are anymore.

Folks that love you will pry and urge you to move on- you are not ready. What do you want?

It's been a week, what have you done for exercise?

Yep, big time failure. at least the food was yummy and I had leftovers for dinner tonight! I've got something holding me back right now that I'd rather not talk about on a public forum, but in a week, that thing will be in the past and I will have much more freedom to do things for myself.

I really do have to rediscover me, and what I am finding so far is what a mess I have been my whole life. I've been so afraid of losing love that I have difficulties trusting, which pushes love away. Then, my learned way of trying to get that love is to shut down emotionally and find something to distract myself in, which also pushed love away.

Can I break these cycles and become more normal? I think so, I think by owning my feelings and expressing them in a positive way is the path.

I didn't really think I was snooping, I was checking our joint account and I saw the transaction listed. I have to wait until next week to get my own account, and then I will suggest to her that she takes me off the old one or at least change the password.

Exercice... I ran a few mornings, I think 3 days, so 9 miles total, but I have been slacking. Thanks for getting on me about that

Yes, I keep hearing loved ones tell me that things are going to be better, that I will find someone new and it will be so better, and that the worst is behind me and that she can't hurt me anymore... I know it is all meant well, and it is obvious that they want me to feel better, but it seem like they want me to feel the way they want me to feel, and they aren't open to me feeling how I do.