Me: I have thought about it and I would like to be there for S3's birthday in the morning.
You might have added "if it's OK with you" since you already told her you would not be there. The above sounds kind of like a demand when it should be a request. Like I said in the post above- it's all about negotiating.
Quote:
I was going to ask her what changed her mind about working on the M etc.
NOOOOO! Get back to your DB'ing my friend Get comfy with Sandi's rules again. Don't ask that kind of stuff, no matter what the answer is you're not going to like it.
Right now I don't feel like having her in my life as W anymore. The question was more for her to look at and maybe think about more than anything else.
You sound just as defensive now as you did months ago. You have a chip on your shoulder and you put a negative spin on everything.
If YOU had said you were really hungry but your wife INSISTED on running then, thereby delaying your dinner, you would have vented here and probably fumed at her.
You have unfair double standards, you read game playing and competitiveness into Her words, but I see them thoughout Your posts.
I hope you heed LAs words
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
You're hurt and you want to hurt her. Is that really who you want to be?
No, it is who I am right now though.
Originally Posted By: labug
When you are are in this mindset, she does control you because you hand the control over to her by reacting to everything she does.
It does effect me in some way. It might not be in me always being defensive towards her but her actions do control me.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I forgot to mention all the mindreading you do that makes the story fit your emotions.
You need to take a break.
I want to stop the mind reading. I don't know how to do that especially in times like these.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Me: I have thought about it and I would like to be there for S3's birthday in the morning.
You might have added "if it's OK with you" since you already told her you would not be there. The above sounds kind of like a demand when it should be a request. Like I said in the post above- it's all about negotiating.
Quote:
I was going to ask her what changed her mind about working on the M etc.
NOOOOO! Get back to your DB'ing my friend Get comfy with Sandi's rules again. Don't ask that kind of stuff, no matter what the answer is you're not going to like it.
Right now I don't feel like having her in my life as W anymore. The question was more for her to look at and maybe think about more than anything else.
You sound just as defensive now as you did months ago. You have a chip on your shoulder and you put a negative spin on everything.
If YOU had said you were really hungry but your wife INSISTED on running then, thereby delaying your dinner, you would have vented here and probably fumed at her.
You have unfair double standards, you read game playing and competitiveness into Her words, but I see them thoughout Your posts.
I hope you heed LAs words
I don't get the dinner thing. Maybe it's because if I had to wait it wouldn't bother me at all. I often go 7-8 hours during the day and not eat anything.
When we lived together this sort of thing was often an issue. I would take over childcare after work to give W a break from the kids. She would do whatever (gym/shower) until kids went to bed. After they went to bed the things I wanted to get done was always a problem because she was hungry and couldn't wait 30 minutes for me to rush my wants through.
I do know that I resort to game playing. I tend to when I think she is. I'm not proud of it. I guess I have always done it.
What steps do people recommend to change this behaviour?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I do know that I resort to game playing. I tend to when I think she is. I'm not proud of it. I guess I have always done it.
What steps do people recommend to change this behaviour?
That’s who you and properly the most of us are – we do play games! To some extent DBing is gameplaying and pretending a lot of things! We act opposite of our feelings and thoughts!
I do believe that the most important thing in this is simply realizing this. If at some point we end up in a new R with W or another that will be the point to lay of the acting and pretending.
A statement like “Fake it till you make it” contains it all!
This is almost always seen as a negative but manipulating people in order to gain something good for one self AND them should in my opinion not be seen as a negative. Punishing is almost always a negative and when you play games or act a certain way to punish W then you are heading down a wrong and very dangerous track (My BD was the prize I payed for this exactly behavior!!) – do not go down this road! It leads to nothing good!
So IMHO ask yourself if you are acting to achieve good or to punish – if the last then don’t do it!
….and then take a break… F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Get comfy with Sandi's rules again. Don't ask that kind of stuff, no matter what the answer is you're not going to like it.