Wow, you all know how to make someone feel good! Thanks for being my friends and reading and posting.
Re being irritated or thinking of h as an a-hole, he may very well be, but my attitude is on me and i dont want to be that person anymore. I cant think of myself as well adjusted as i think im capable of if i am situation dependent, if i can be zen only when h isnt pushing my buttons. For me, i dont want to be satisfied. H has been irritating me so consistently for so long that i think it's in me and not just a feature of h that i'm powerless to manage.
I used to believe when you dont like something you cant change, change your attitude. (One of the advantages of having grown up not having my needs met) i think i can get some of that back.
Sometimes ive learned to courageously stand up for myself and what i ned, but fighting this relentless pettiness of his doesnt feel good to me.
I got an idea today to write him a letter and then burn it. To work out my emotions without feeling the need to get him to do things differently. I will let you know if it helps. Yeah h is irritating but whether he is or isnt i dont want to keep being an irritateable person. I want to be in control of my emotions and manage my environment appropriately to take good care of myself, and correct my thoughts when theyre keeping me stuck. Not there yet but its a goal.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
