NEW LIFE / NEW ME

[Fartiltre]

Sandi,

I think the best thing to do (if you feel that you do get it now), is to proceed with the plan.
I am up for it – I am ready!

I will be:
Strong (GAL, PMA and Boundaries)
Changing (continuing the work on me, work on home, success at work and hopefully solving medical issues so I can get back to exercising.)
Totally withdrawn towards her by no contacts but kid-stuff, no questions, only answer direct questions on practical’s and don’t go out of my ways to help her and just treating her like the neighbor or the stranger asking for directions
Charming by tone of voice, smile, looks and attitude.

Even though you are having to implement some tough decisions, you still hope that one day she will want to come back home to you. That is why you can't be a jerk.

The tough thing in all this right now is not having Ds around that much but I believe I will learn to enjoy my time alone. I believe W sees me as a jerk right now because I don’t want the familytime but nothing else. Perhaps a few missed calls but I am sure she will get over that quickly when she meets the pleasant me!
I don’t want to be a jerk in any way! Some part of me feel like one since I don’t give the Ds family-time but in the long run this will be best for all. So the upsides of feeling jerkish outweighs the downsides, right?

you make the final decision

I totally agree and that’s exactly why you should not feel any kind of responsibility.
My sit, my life and me implementing advice!

I hope I can help. That's why I'm here.

This makes me truly happy and much more comfortable! You already have helped me so much but I do hope that you are up for one more of my questions. (And properly a few hundreds more in the time to come)

I don’t feel that much in doubt regarding interactions with W and without kids this would be simplified a lot. Should I act on my feelings towards and for the children as long I am NOT giving W family time??
As a couple of examples:
Before she moved out we talked about me having one of Ds a night out of schedule sometimes. I feel I could ask W this without giving her cake – do you agree?
If I feel like talking to Ds should I – at any given time – simply just call and state this (and only this) to W?
(I will get the schedule if possible but there will be times out of this when I will feel like calling Ds)
I know Ds will miss W when they are here – should I help them give her a call without them or her asking for it? (This could be read as brownie-points but Ds feelings should IMO be more important.)

It is the plan for months to come. But please do not get off into worrying over things that are a ways off. This is something that is not set in stone. It will be tweaked according to how things are going at that time.

Then just bring it on – I feel ready!
I will try not to worry but that is truly hard with a head like mine. Right now I believe the first thing to happen (if any) is W bringing up the family-thing again. Until then or something else I will post interactions with W and some about my life.
If you need for me to explain something then please let me know.

Thanks!


F