She took all the furniture save for a couple of things she didn't want... Her and OM went through my LP collection and he took what he wanted... There was piss crust all over the outer bowls of both toilets... There was mold rings on the inside of the bowls... there was mold growing in the sink.... there was dried dog vomit and feces on the wood floors... all the boxes of my stuff from Niagara Falls are gone... The basement was full of trash... the refrigerator was filthy... there were cobwebs in every room... the lawn hadn't been mowed all year... There was a can full of dog crap in the yard... there was even more than I feel like getting into here.
Other than asking for the LPs and some other stuff (I got one LP and most of the other stuff) I said absolutely NOTHING. Not a word.
Why? Because there was no point. She did or didn't do whatever. Getting angry with her about would have solved nothing.
You did not "simply ask" your W anything. You demanded.
IMO, opinion, you come here looking for justification for your actions and absolution for poor behavior.
I can't control things that make me angry. I can and do control how I react to them, though.
What would I do if my W came here with her BF? I would leave. I would go somewhere else. It takes a bigger man to walk away than to get into his face... to make demands... to make threats. WHy don't you find somewhere else to be that night? Go bowling... golfing... go out of town... Why set yourself up for a confrontation?
You are constantly contradicting yourself. First you have an anger issue and then you don't... You don't need anger management then you don't and then you do...
Pick a course, SP, and stay on the path.
Great post. I want to say more SP but you spend so much time telling me I am "wrong", instead of just disagreeing, I often wonder what you have learned or changed deep down.
Sounds so often like the old you, I guess you are very torn.
You want your pain to end, and I get that. The problem is that you think she is doing things TO you. But this isn't really true. She has moved on and you have not. She is Not the cause of your pain, IMO. You feel tremendous regret. That quickly converts into fury on your end, or self pity. Somehow your feelings of guilt are SO uncomfortable for you,
and anger is so engrained in the way you were raised, you seem to prefer anger to guilt. Process that ^^^^^ statement before you ignore it or tell me I am "wrong" again.
I would also add the book "How to Win Friends & Influence People" to your book list. Your fondness for arguing does not mean you are effective at persuading people. Bullying is not persuading--just a general observation there.
When you are honest, which you seem only able to be a few hours at a time because I think we both know You got yourself here...You know You must change.
You must stop the pain you are in, FROM WITHIN & paradoxically, by doing internal AND external work.
When you finally GAL for real (so far that topic which i have repeatedly raised, remains almost totally unaddressed by you,)
and so of course you are Not detached. That is the external work you simply MUST do. Stop deflecting the focus off your work.
Finally, you have not addressed the settlement issue in a normal or healthy OR fair way.. You skipped over my questions!!! Interesting....
if your offer to your wife is still nothing, good luck getting her to move.
Under your paradigm, her contributions were always worthless in the event She chooses to leave. You could treat her anyway You wanted...and if she dares to "end the m" or "destroy the family" it's all her fault and even if it is Not her fault, because she dared to leave, she deserves nothing.
I I asked you this before, but you ignored it... I said--
"if you were m another two decades and she personally financed or hand built an addition to the "family home"
(which is how she saw the home, and how YOU viewed it, UNTIL SHE LEFT...then it became your "other" family's home) so
If she were to leave 25 years from now,
under your paradigm, she'd still get nothing --- because it would NEVER be HER home!
That stinks for her. I reject it.
You let her believe it was Hers and yours. I think you saw it that way, too...until she dared leave you.
If you had not, if she knew it was YOUR family's business and never going to belong in any way to her,
why on earth would SHE DONATE her savings to your family's business???
Pay her something or realize she has No incentive to leave the property.
You go on and on about the "graciousness" of your family. A family you admit taught you to see things negatively, the glass is always half empty...
But hey, You can thank your family for, effectively paying your child support for you by "allowing" her to have to leave the home she lived in while m, forced into a studio apt that had been used for storage. Where you see a gracious favor, i just wonder why it was she who had to go there and not you...
I think financially it has helped you but you refuse to admit that. I think the minute she leaves that place,,YOU will be writing a check, IMO.
If you get out of paying her ANY CS and
she has to fully support herself and Your d,, THEN
If i were you, I would warn any women you date in the future, that they will always be tenants of your family, never owners...BUT you want them to care for the place and pay for improvements, as if it is or will be, theirs too...
Very appealing. Very fair! Right?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
