So by "shining a light" on the affair, you mean detaching and leaving her with only her affair to contend with? Thus, she realizes that it's all up to her and OM to make their own happiness, leaving her without any other options.

Then she may begin to see that I'm happy enjoying my life with the kids and doing other things and this may intrigue her to investigate what she 's leaving behind. Am I on the right track here?

Vince B
M=10 yrs T=13 yrs
M45 / H 44
2 Boys 5 & 8
D Day: 7/16/13