NEW LIFE / NEW ME

[sandi2]

I don’t see any harm done! I haven’t been unpleasant with W or done anything punitive as I see it.

That's good.

Now I understand that you stated what you did to be sure that I really pulled back.

Yes, I was really trying to get you to pull way back, b/c you had not detached since you first arrived on the board. I believe a lot of confusion started that day you told us your W had tried to make contact several times and you would not take her call. Then somebody mentioned that it might be something extremely important (like one of the kids got hurt, for example). Then I wanted you to understand that whenever you co-parent, you have to make allowances for emergencies.....and one thing kind of lead to another. I think the best thing to do (if you feel that you do get it now), is to proceed with the plan.

Even though you are having to implement some tough decisions, you still hope that one day she will want to come back home to you. That is why you can't be a jerk. I hope you know how to be strong and yet charming, b/c that is what you will need to do. Anyone can act like a jerk, but she won't want to return to a R with a jerk.

I understand the plan and I don’t like that your sentence is in past time – isn’t this the plan for the months to come?

It is the plan for months to come. But please do not get off into worrying over things that are a ways off. This is something that is not set in stone. It will be tweaked according to how things are going at that time.

Do you believe any of my actions the last two weeks have complicated my sit (or is it just my brain you are writing about)?

Ha, mostly your brain. No, I believe we got it straighten out before the R became more complicated.

This got me confused because I found myself in a situation where I believed that the right thing to do was to answer. Problem is that if I had gone with my feelings and my belief from day one I would still be pleading. This is not about what I believe

It is often hard to separate our emotions and act according to what somebody else says works. The WAS is in a state of hurt and confusion when they come here, and it takes time for them to get to a place they are able to just "hear" what others are saying.

I know I am in a different place now but I still don’t or didn’t trust my own judgment until I woke up today!

Well, I'm glad you feel like you can trust your judgement. You have to be able to make some judgement calls when it comes to the people we love. Those are your kids and she's their mother and that's not going to change. We want to help you get to a better place. But always remember this F, (and it goes for me or anyone here giving advice), you make the final decision. If it seems absolutely wrong, then that may be your common sense telling you that you know better than we do b/c you know your W and the situation better . For example, when you explained that defriending her on FB could be seen as cultural offensive, and I immediately told you to not do it if that was the case. You did not have to explain anything else to me. That was one of those good common senses kicking in your gut.

I hope I can help. That's why I'm here.