i'm thinking something mighty similar. i'm not feelin too hopeful either. we have reached a plateau - you and I.
scary next step time maybe approaching. - we're just gonna have to shut our eyes one of these days/years - and step rite off the edge of the land - and fall into the next level - sheer grit or blind faith- rite off the edge and take our chances with what we bounce on. good news is no one behind us with a sharp stick poking us in the back - - -
i'm still stalling. i never ever promised i was big ole brave-girl. never been anything but prudent to the end. ta da...
. i'm thinking my h's insanity or whatever, may be "terminal" for all practical purposes. i don't see him wising up- professing his undying love, etc. anytime soon. as long as he has everything he wants - - - - me being realistic here. boy- i hate this being realistic junk...
i don't have that great job or security- i'm caring less and less. he's said to me before- just hang in here til you have something better to do... wtf? why would he even say it i wonder- back a year or two ago. since i've never "gone there" again- i will never know. maybe he was thinking weeks.. who knows??? he's got a brain and a mouth- let him speak up and be the "bad guy" and throw my butt on the street if i'm sooooo repulsive - it's almost an academic exercise here seeing when or if he'll ever just open his mouth and be decisive and PICK HER or PICK HiMSELF ALONE - or whatever it is he wants- and ACTUALLY DO IT- JUST DO IT....
ya gotta wonder - what a he man... (not)
he keeps coming - paying- not talking - i keep "standing"...
we're a joke & a mess i reckon -
too bad he's such a dope to never ever feel things and share them and/or think them over - WELL, MOSTLY SHARE HIS THOUGHTS & FEELINGS. I'M pretty sure he must be thinking i wouldn't want to know all about his giant giant giant love for ow. WAIT - MAYBE I'M pretty sure he doesn't think at all about this stuff- you know - DOOOOHHHHH NUT no kidding.
. i think he's sooooo SURE OF ME- WHaT A DOPE I AM- HOW MUHHHHHCCCCCCH I LOOOOOVE HIM - HOW MUCH HE CAN JUST BUY ME BECAUSE OF HIS STINKIN MONEY- that that is the MOST IMPORTANT THING -. I GUESS IN HIS LIFE THE $$ is the most important thing. what a blind jerk he is - i guess - that he thinks i'll be here for him forever - if he wants me.....i think your h too - underneath it all - we're rocks (or nuts)..get it- object?
if i won the lottery - i guess honestly i'd clear the heck out. sad but true. i'm very tired-
i'd buy a house in england- i guess & (if i had to to assuage the guilt)i'd install my mother in a apartment in the garden- and just get the heck out of dodge.
etc.-----
oh well- since this is very very unlikely- i'm thinking i'm stoppng the planning on that.
matter of fact- too much drama going on here with my mother- so i'm not even thinking aboutthis junk- just get thru another day without a blowup from "powersister". she's apparently there not - "rattling a few cages " and "getting answers" - yeah, good luck man, she's up against a handful of doctors- battle of the egos i think.
i'm in my jim jams dudding out- awaiting caffein energy.
didja see linda's thread- about sept 7th? you sound like a very very together hostess- cook, etc. so i get intimidated a bit about other people's expectations - i'm pretty much of a happy - disjointed bum-type hostess maybe. fly by the seat of my pants - HOWEVER i'm warm & friendly- but not martha okay? don't want anyone disappointed- but i'm willing and it will be a scream i think.
okay- also let me say nobody expect a mansion & magazine type decorating. alright- i don't want anyone to faint - i'm a smallish jumblie concoction of old,new-interesting, weird, homemade things that entertain me- soooo i'm thinking warm & inviting- NOT NEW & EXCITING. AND SPECIFICALLY NOT MINIMALIST decor - more like happy jumble style.
I'm just not a huge - boss - take-charge - mom-type woman who is alllllll organized & in command.
i know- im making myself laugh at what a weiner i am with my dopey disclaimers- geeeeeeZzzzzzzz me. i don't want anyone going into shock -
