ya know- this LL topic you guys are chatting about got me thnking yesterday - on way out the door.
it's true- we don't always express l in the same ways - BUT it got me thinking how much i feel like all of you about the mixed signals or un-acknowledged signals - BUT AGAIN -
FOR MANY MANY years - the LL may have differed- but always managed to make us both feel connected and loved)
THEN - allllllll OF A SUDDEN (these f'ing computers & e-mails & cellphones & EASY access to "mystery & sex & lies & intrigue" - aka EXCITEMENT comes along and KA BAM - NOW thre's the disconnect (partly, but less so the L L) - - -
then i got thinking about this whole "thing" in life of what people are looking for in r's. It always come bAck to this - - - boredom rears it's ugly head - - IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING GOOD TO FIND - YOU DO. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BAD TO FIND- YOU DO.
it takes the power out of the hands of the "blind" partner. you can use the right expressions til the cows come home - it won't matter - if the dissatisfied person (mlc?) is looking for "REASONS to criticize" they fnd it. +
it is how i feel last bunch of years.
anyway tho- i use words- maybe h uses things he does for me- he moved alllllll my computer contents to a new pc because mine was slowly dying other day(i did hook up new one because old one croaked - so yay) - he mows the lawn & hooked a computer to downstairs tv so i can find wierd british shows - he buys stuff -
i feel like he's trying to "buy me off" because he's a "bad" guy now. idk- (is it "love" and he can't identify it? sometimes i think so - why would ya even care to buy off someone you despise???) i find it offensive - and yet i'm here and i take it because of my own life/lifestyle & mother's needs - emotional quandry (& financial insecurity).
so even if we all inspect & agonize over our LL - does it matter (much?) idk
sure makes one tired huh? as usual - TRUST THE PROCESS (I HOPE) it tells us it's out of our hands- we didn't break them- we can't fix them.
oh well- i'm outta here- havea wonderful day- try not to worry too much linda- time will help that a bit- even me, with h and ow rite now- i'm not "as bad" with it asi used to be- soooo on some sick level- i'm more detached -
it comes - whether we're "doing the rite things" or not...
