let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

So, I found a way to detach... by finally coming to my senses and realizing what a cold-hearted, manipulative, lying witch she is.

one of my boys asked if we could bring his cousin back with us when I drove them home on Saturday. I agreed, even though I've been told by W that her side of the family doesn't like me because I have treated them so poorly over the years. I go to pick the kid up and his dad, W sister's husband is out side to. I get out and shoot the bull with him. I had already connected with him on facebook, thanking him for being a good uncle to my boys and apologizing for not being there for him in the past.

Anyway, he asks what is going on with me and W. I asked what he knows, and he proceeds to tell me how she told him two weeks ago that we are getting divorced AND that I am seeing an OW and my mom has gone to lunch with this OW and approves of me throwing the M away! She also told him that the night I caught her at OM condo that she slept in her car in the parking lot. So she seems to be trying to set me up as the bad guy, and trying to make others think that this guy is just a friend.

I asked BIL not to tell her that we talked, I explained that I want to see what her next move was, he said fine, but i know he has a big mouth. His wife, my W's sister told me that she was PISSED at how my W treated me at the wedding 2 weeks ago. I asked what she meant and she said she was watching us, and every time I tried to dance with W, she moved away. I really didn't notice, because I wasn't trying to be clingy and I was trying to dance with some of her relative too. Well, she tells me how much it upset her and that she is still upset.

I realized that she probably loves this OM, and that she may really be done with me and has just been feeling too guilty and doesn't want anyone to find out about the PA, so she is just living a lie around the rest if us. I got upset, and sat their after I brought my boys home. I meditated on it, and I decided that for me to have control, I couldn't confront her, I had to act "as if" and pretend like everything was fine. I think there was some instant detaching that went on there.

Looking at our bank statement, I could see that she want to a bar Friday night and her tab was more than one persons. I'm sure she was out with OM. while my kids were at home without me... what a selfish witch!

I decided that I would still go to dinner and not believe he words or actions, and that I would say things to try to kick up that guilt some more, like thanking her for still being my friend and talking about what a great friend she is, and what a great mom she is. I talked so much about what great parent we are and how we've done a great job with our boys.

I can only imagine what was said when she dropped of the nephew because she acted just fine at the restaurant. I was acting "As If" and kept up the PMA the whole time. I also explained that I would be picking up my dog some nights and then bring her back home in the AM, and I said that I planned on stopping home after work to check on the boys school work.

Now I finally feel empowered. I have so much less hurt right now and I want to go have fun. And I have a new mantra:

"Life isn't about surviving the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain"

and it's my turn to dance!