Blowing in the wind....

[Whiterose]

Oh Linda it must be difficult working with the double vision and doubly hard to hear what your co-workers are saying. I had a friend kinda give me the riot act today.....we need to remember they come from a place of love but, ultimately, we need to make the decision.

As H gets closer to leaving you'll probably find yourself spinning a little more.....try and keep busy dear. Come vent here. We have your back

[ForeverYoung]

Thursday one of my co-workers kindly (and I mean kindly, I am not saying that facetiously) took the time to explain to me how ridiculous and crazy I seem to all of them to keep standing after four years. Then today another co-worker used the same term, ridiculous. My actions seem ridiculous to them. That is SO hurtful. 

Do either of these co-workers have a partner who stood by them for 30 plus years? A partner who they feel would have "ridiculously stood" for them had they plunged into MLC themselves?

I like to think that my pre MLC W would have stood by me through this MLC crap had the tables been turned. Maybe you believe the same of your H? I don't think anyone lasts 30 plus years unless they really have something really worth standing for. Your co-workers mileage on this may vary.

And am having trouble detaching from the people at work saying I'm ridulous

F-them. Isn't that right, Nero?

And she's back on board with DBing - H gets her all riled up sometimes, and she tries to talk me into kicking him out Now there's a good MIL! 

He's committed to the trip now. Wait 'til he gets home and then decide if you want to kick him out! Seriously, just knowing you aways have that option should give you strength. 

I found a hot yoga class not to far away. They have a 2-week trial membership. I'm going to add that to my GALs. 

Good idea! Do this and more. Co-workers only worry about you when you appear to be floundering. If you're happy and content, they'll back off.

[nero]

hi linda-

thinking about you and your eye and the "friends at work" and all of this- hang on man-

foreveryoung is rite- 30+ yrs is a mighty lot of years. i can't say if my h would have stood by me if i went bonkeroo - idk about your h either- but the whole "standing" thing is about WHO WE ARE - NOT THEM - RITE???

i get a bit pissy inside when someone really blams h - i hate alot about him- BUT i know about the good stuff too - like you- they seem to forget that. it's so personal isn't it???

(they start it (mlc) - we finish it)

this is about us following our guts- doing what we feel is right for us - til we become aware of a different road we want to take- and so on...

i fight with this notion of whether or not i must change my intrinsic self in response to the mlc demands - the input of others - the db spiel- and in fact i find myself sometimes questioning who the heck i've become... it's hard to keep it all clear amidst allllll the (really) negative input we're getting in life.

or so it feels to me- i'm particularly sensitive to criticism- don't like it and don't take it very well in the sense that i usually don't think i deserve it.

i've got a notion we're the easy guys for people to "go for" becasue maybe we don't fight back in a huge and scary way- we're more likely to back off from conflict, etc.

i'm not perfect nor are you (maybe) - but i have a notion we're just alot less conflict oriented - and to the world (and particularly my mother) that makes us seem "wishy washy" or weak (their mistake here i think) .

my view- it's hard as hell to go about in life getting along with everyone- deciding to stand, etc. perhaps you, like me, think you've got this rod of iron inside that can withstand quite alot - but you don't have a need to showcase it on a daily basis and have some "image" for everyone. i honestly think who i am is enough to be. even my most wellmeaning supporters want to give me alot of advice- i just don't need any thanks...

of course- i may be a stubborn jerk doing what i feel i must and should stop and listen- oh well- who can know & be perfect all the time? or even most of the time-

all you need to know is who linda is inside- like her and admire her strength that you know is there.

the standing is the hard part - anyone can give in to anger and blow up-

(as i deal with my volatile sister- i realize just blowing a cork every time someone gets in your way is no way to go thru life)

ONE WAY OR THE OTHER- WE'LL GET THRU THIS- remember- IT'S JUST ONE DAY AT A TIME- JUST GET THRU TODAY, TRY AND SHOVE THE TRIP TO THE BACK OF YOUR MIND.

(my h felt compelled to tell me he was "driving north" yesterday- (at a hairy moment in hospital wrangling aroudn with surgeon & my stupid sister about a procedure (i needed to give permisson) (i hate responsibility for somene elses life,body,etc) - just nightmare overblown sitch ) so he's with ow as we speak- does it make me want him to just die and leave me alone - well, yes - is it a petty and ratty sentiment? yes - oh well huh??? i do not know "how" we do it- we just do.

one day it will be resolved- of that i am sure... one day you and i will have this all behind us- one way or the other- i don't know when- WHEN WE'RE READY to decide to do something else- until that time no choice but one foot before the other- it stinks, we can do it tho...

SOUNDS LIKE YOUR LIFE IS incredibly busy with work(s) and so on- everything is going to happen whether we like it or not- whether we suffer for or over it or not- whether we want it to or not- one little hour at a time it's unfolding before us-

so, forgot where i was going-

you can do it- nobody probably REALLY understands where you're cming from- i kind of do. somehow that 38 years is a powerful "tie" -

hope your day is better or not so bad or even GOOD! if i could get this hospital thing over and this infection thing over and actually focus and think- it'll be fun to meet up-

hang on man-

xxoo (((( ))))

[job]

RL,
I know it's difficult listening to the opinions of others, but you need to let it go. Until they have walked a mile in your shoes on any given day, then they do not know what they are talking about. I'm sure that if this had happened to them, they would be right where you are today. They don't understand and won't until they experience it.

I agree w/FY, don't make any decisions about kicking your h out until after he returns from his trip. You'll know if this is something you need if he returns and continues to act out w/the Russian Tart.

For now, sit quietly and allow the answers to come. Try to cut down on your stress as it may be affecting your vision as well. You have to remain calm and take care of yourself because your surgery isn't that far off. It's time to take care of YOU and allow God to take care of your h.

[uRworthy]

Rosa, that list was just a general one to help with some of the concepts. Listen, you are making yourself crazy trying to figure out the detaching and letting go. Don’t. It is a process. It will happen as you continue to walk your path. No worries, ok?

Just try to get the mindset that he is going to do what he is going to do and you cannot control it. And since you cant, you may as well live your life, ya know? Just live it. Do what you want for you. Believe that you are deserving of a good life. He can flap in the breeze right now with his oatmeal and foolishness, but, that is not going to stop you one bit. Get some New York attitude girl. Walk around like you do not have time for the likes of him. LOL!

As for your co-workers, I know that hurts your feelings. But you know what, Rosa, people can feel whatever they want. This is your life and you get to choose. No one’s business. They mean well. They love you. But until they are in the same situation, they cannot know what they would do. Db them, Linda and pay them no mind. I wouldn’t tell them about your sitch anymore. And I would just smile and walk away when they say it again.

My friend, it is time to take care of you. Let everyone else live their own life. It’s Rosa’s time. Get to gettin.

[reachingHigher]

I think being away from your H for a period of time will give you a fresh, new perspective and clear some of the cobwebs from your brain.

I was very afraid when my H went to south Florida and Puerto Rico for a two-week vacation with drinking buddies last fall.

And you know what? I wasn't in a hurry for him to come back. I enjoyed some refreshing time without the "burden" of my sitch.

And I agree with snodderly, the stress may be affecting your vision.

And distance from co-workers. I agree totally. Let it all hang out here on the boards but other people in your life can seriously detriment your feelings of wanting to reach your own goals. I had to stop talking to some friends and relatives and I even stopped going to therapy. They only saw one road ahead, D, and I didn't wanna hear about it!

Hang in there girl!

[RosaLinda]

Hi rH, uRw, Nero, Bright, Rose, Forever, Snodderly,  thanks for checking on me! You are all so kind and are such good friends. 

thanks very much uR, I understand. You're right, my H is going to do what he's going to do. I have no control and you know what - I don't want control. Or blame when things don't turn out so wonderful as he hopes. I'll be fine. I'm good really, I just get these weak moments. 

But really I agree with you Bright and rH and Nero. It will be good to be away from him for a month. And good for him to be away from me too I think. I was hysterical when he and RT disappeared for 2 weeks last March, this time I'm letting him go on this next step of his journey with love. 

Forever thanks for your advice about my co-workers. Actually the ones who think I am ridiculous are getting divorced themselves, and are pretty bitter. You guys are right, I need to STFU around them. I shared too much when I was so devastated in March. So many nurses are divorced, it's sad. D is their answer to any road bumps. So sad. 

Snodderly this is fabulous advice: "For now, sit quietly and allow the answers to come. Try to cut down on your stress as it may be affecting your vision as well. You have to remain calm and take care of yourself because your surgery isn't that far off. It's time to take care of YOU and allow God to take care of your h."

I have followed your advice to sit quietly before and many things were revealed to me, both by my H and thru others. Thanks so much!

Off to work, I'm late! I'm grateful to have a well-paying job I love where I can help other people. It's a blessing. 

[RosaLinda]

You know what I just thought of that makes me so sad....all the Acts of Service my H has performed for me over the years. His LL. But I didn't feel loved or appreciated because that isn't MY LL. And I tried to hug and kiss him so HE didn't feel loved. That LL book would make a good engagement gift. 

[kml]

Yes it should be required reading for all young couples!

Right now I am dating a guy who shares my love language - physical touch. And it's SO nice! I realize I don't think I ever dated anyone before who shared this with me. We hold hands all the time, lots of touching and snuggling - and for once, I never have to feel like I'm annoying my partner!

[ForeverYoung]

This stuff really can make you ill. I remember visiting my doctor last year for several different issues... and I was normally a very healthy guy! Stress can do whacky things to ya.

I feel the same way as you regarding not always speaking my W's LL as well as I could have over the years. But you know what? It would not have prevented their MLC. It may have gave them less to blame us for, but they'd have found something. (or like in your H's case MADE STUFF UP!!!)

Remember Linda, it's not really about us or the M. Don't fret the past... live in the present.

I'm glad to hear you're doing better. Bust On!