Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

Thanks subguy for the advice. It just seemed to me that I was being shallow, but it was my first date, and I'm not going to force something to happen.

Last night's sermon was about forgiveness and common myths about it. One was that forgiving someone means that they didn't hurt you and another was that you had to resume the relationship you had with that person. Another was that forgiveness was a feeling; instead you have to decide to forgive, because you'll never wake up feeling like you want to do it.

The pastor mentioned the story of the prodigal son, saying that the father forgave him, but knew that the son needed to take his own journey and that the father couldn't chase him down. Instead, he needed to live his own life and just be thankful when the son eventually returned.

It really reminded me of the journey we take with our MLC'ers. We can forgive them and love them from afar, but they have a journey to take and we can't join them on it. We have to do our own thing and if he/she returns, we'll deal with it then.

I haven't heard from xh in a week now and I'm doing ok with it. I've noticed that he'll stay away for a week or two, then initiate contact for several days, then repeat the cycle.

I don't think that his wanting me to live nearby is because he's wanting to keep tabs on me. I think it's because he is scared he'll lose me completely if I'm not nearby. He's told me before that he's worried I'll move far away once I graduate since I don't have family keeping me here.

Who knows what will happen? Maybe I will move far away. I'm keeping busy with work, school, and church and dealing with my stuff.

I no longer pray for God to bring us back together, but for us to figure out the paths we're supposed to be on and follow them to the best of our ability. Maybe they will intersect again, but I'm leaving that up to God.

I don't think I'm ready for this online dating stuff. If I do somehow meet a great guy, then great, but school and my issues need to be my priority.