“And anyhow, you filed for D, so there really is no disrespect. She is technically a free woman.”
If he hadn't filed for a D to end the marriage, then I would say that she is not "free". But when someone files, it's with the intent to legally end the M. It's just a piece of paper.
And to clarify and playing devil's advocate, society as a whole does not ALL believe that what she's doing is wrong. Sorry to say. It is one group's (within the society) that believes what she's doing is wrong. There are others within the same society that would think otherwise. While one person will say that DB is great in making you a stronger person, someone else will say that it makes you weak. It comes down to the individual.
" Legally, there should be financial penalties for doing what she is doing in this marriage."
That's why something like this isn't right. This is based on a person's opinion. You think that her behavior is "irrational" and "incredibly destructive" whereby she and her friends don't. It's all a matter of perception on the part of the individual. There is no absolute wrong or right. The last perfect person on earth could walk on water and even He had his faults and doubt.
The thing that DB allows you to do is to start understanding someone's POV whether or not you agree with it. But in doing so, you can see how you can attract a person back (or not) based on what THEY believe. Of course you're not going to compromise your own ethics, but when you truly "get" where another person is coming from, then you know to release them and have them make their own mistakes.
All of this talk about legal action, calling the cops, etc. is only going to hurt one person. His D. I don't believe in enabling his W, which is what the family is doing like an alcoholic and their should be consequences if she oversteps his boundaries. But it really should be done in the most compassionate way possible so that his D doesn't grow up seeing anger and resentment between both parents. In the end, she is the one who is going to grow up with the scars more than he and his W. And there are times that she seems to get lost in this whole mess.
Of course that's just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am taking in every single word here. It all rings very loudly in my ears. One thing that I would like to note, regarding me filing for divorce, I only did so on recommendation from my attorney. There was a period of time where I was VERY concerned that wife would attempt to take daughter out of the country. My attorney suggested the divorce was the best solution to stop this. I filed several months ago, but have not completed the process. The papers have not been picked up from my attorney, nor has she been served. I am not sure if wife is even aware of any of this. I will however, he continuing the divorce process with my attorney on Tuesday. It is not what I want, but I realize it really needs to be done for me. Wife is living the single life already. That piece of paper won't effect her one way or the other. It does however effect me. I can't keep holding on
Busy week ahead, and I am a little stressed. On top of my current daily stuff, I have my winter job starting that I have to fit in to my business schedule, Daughters first day back to girl scouts and her first day back to school. I need to meet with daughters child care provider, I have an appointment with my attorney, and that just gets me through Tuesday! I also have the busiest week of the year for our business......oh the joy! No GAL for me for a while!
Make a list of what you need to get done and tackle them one by one. Making a list makes the chores at hand less imposing and gives a great sense of accomplishment when you get to check them off one by one.
If you need to vent, we are here to listen.*
* We reserve the right to brandish 2x4s and tire tools and beat you mercilessly. LOL!
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Have a good week SP! Hope it you ease through it and it ends up better than you expected!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
LOL!