NEW LIFE / NEW ME

[Fartiltre]

Sandi,

First and most important – don’t feel bad, sad or anything negative and don't feel responsible! You have advised me and I have read and implemented. I am the do’er and I make the decisions – we just misinterpreted each other and I get why you stated things this way. I have read some LBHs sitches in here and I do get you!

It took some well-meant harsh words, a lot of thought and some good GAL – then I got it!

I don’t see any harm done! I haven’t been unpleasant with W or done anything punitive as I see it.

As with many LBH's, you want a visible line drawn, or scales to show how to balance things so not to get extreme. But you must rely on personal boundaries, common sense, and your own good judgement.

I was looking for this line simply because I believed that you were trying to show. Now I understand that you stated what you did to be sure that I really pulled back. I have pulled back and perhaps 10% to much but that was only for a few days. I believe I am on track now following the guidelines.

The plan was so she would miss you and want to regain what she lost. You have made it so complicated for yourself, till you are further confused about what to do. I feel badly about it, but I don't know how to be much more clearer (but I will try to clarify any statements as best as I can).

I understand the plan and I don’t like that your sentence is in past time – isn’t this the plan for the months to come?
You are clear as glass right now! Do you believe any of my actions the last two weeks have complicated my sit (or is it just my brain you are writing about)?

You said no calls meant just that.....no more calls . Really? You didn't know that I was giving a guide as how you are to handle getting away from her R hold? You don't know anything that would tell you instinctively that you needed to make an exception?

Yes, really! When you told me not to answer her calls – I stopped
Don’t answer her texts – I stopped
Don’t call – I stopped
….and so on! Perhaps I am not average but that’s what I did and I will try to explain why!

This got me confused because I found myself in a situation where I believed that the right thing to do was to answer. Problem is that if I had gone with my feelings and my belief from day one I would still be pleading. This is not about what I believe and to put it in your own words: It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

Try to look back: LBH don’t know what works – if we go with our own sense, our own feelings and our own beliefs we would simply cry, plead and beg for a year. I know I am in a different place now but I still don’t or didn’t trust my own judgment until I woke up today! Why should I? DBing is counterintuitive and you can multiply this several times to get the LBH point of view. We want to cry, talk, plead, understand and so on – all the things we shouldn’t do. That’s why I took your words so literally! I (and properly a lot of other LBH) shouldn’t or couldn’t trust our own judgment. That’s why I look for rules – those I can follow. Guidelines demands a judgment every time.
Do you get me?

If we do continue this I will gladly open my brain totally for you if you would like this. I know that you understand LBH action but perhaps I can give you a little more insight on the reasons and the thoughts – why so many of us fall through.

"Sandi, come on now, I didn't mean I had to have a book of rules for every scenerio!". Well, that is how it sounds when you come back and say that I told you no more calls and do not enter W's house.

Sandi, I am not blaming you for anything – I am trying to explain why I got this impression! I can see how it sounded and I can see my posting going totally off the track that was intended. That’s simply due to the fact that I didn’t get anything as I hopefully has explained in the above.



I still want to do this your way, I want to follow your advice and implement your thoughts in my life and sitch – nothing has changed except now I got the picture.

I hope so much that you will keep helping me on my road, that you will give me guidelines when something happen and help me make the right choices.

Sandi, thank you so much! I do hope the above make sense!

F