Lifestyle changes

[Valeska19]

We Just disagree.

I believe I have the right to attend church without the distraction and emotional issues that my wife's presence brings. The church agrees and is willing to enforce that right. In fact, they state that this happens all the time and that rarely do divorced couples stay in the same church.

I highly doubt this is why the church is asking your wife not to come to church. If so - it is entirely the wrong reason.

Christians are supposed to keep each other accountable when it comes to their relationship with God. That should be the approach they are taking. Her relationship with you comes secondary.

But let me ask you this. You would rather send her away so you could be comfortable vs. allowing her to come to church and praying that God speaks to her there?

I know it's awfully hard.. but based off your beliefs.. your #1 concern should be her soul, not you marriage.. right?

I believe I have the right to go camping by myself. And it is unfair for my W to insert herself into my vacation.

Yes - or an opportunity.

I also believe that having these legitimate boundary's will eventually help my W and I heal our relationship and overcome some of the resentment we now feel.

How so?

I don't want my wife to "Disappear". And you are right that we need to work out a better relationship. I believe in forgiveness and I want to move past this into a relationship that truly supports our kids.

What does forgiveness look like to you?

I need boundaries though. The primary reason I filed for D is to get some legitimate boundaries in place. I felt like I needed legal protection (financial, custody) and I needed to force a legal physical seperation.

Yes boundaries are necessary.. but I think maybe you could work on how you express them.

Remember they are about you - not her. So they shouldn't be accusatory.

I'm not really sure you are setting them up in the correct way. They are coming across as punishment which is not what they are for.

If your w could go and have a nice time with you - would that be acceptable?

I don't think I will ever have a decent relationship with my W again without these boundaries. I have tried the "act like you don't give a crap if she's around." approach and it doesn't work for me.

What do you mean by that?