BKS, that's a great response, and a great way to not let it escalate.
I went thru same thing for a spell, I kept in the back of my mind, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.
Listen, validate, 180, detach and GAL! It took a couple of months, she burned thru the alchohol/freedom, it wasn't so much fun after a while like she thought. Its guilt. Let her own her own guilt, you cant speed it up, and making her feel more guilty will only come back and bite you.
You know your wife, her expressions, her body gestures. If you see it starting to come on. GET AWAY.
Let her live in her own misery. Once my wife finally started burning thru, or slowed the running in my opinion, had to face some of the music. It slowly starts to click again. They think they're running TO the answer, they soon (ok some not so soon, some not ever) discover they're running from the answers. Theres absolutely nothing you can do, help, speed up, slow down, or have any input on the self destruction. Its a journey they must make before the fog clears. Sometimes its rock bottom, for others its not as far to fall, but they all fall at some point before they can "get it" again.
Its hard not to take on a personal level, but that's exactly what u must get away from, and Detach. Its not that you need to move on, its not that you need to give up, its just that you need to remove yourself and move along. I have an aunt that's been married to the same man 6x, not kidding, 6 times.
I understand checking out the attorney, glad your keeping it in the mindset of having options in front of you. It doesn't need to be anymore than that unless she's draining accts, hiding money, making it impossible for you to live. I don't know the circumstances, but its good to just cover your bases.
