I'm not sure I have any advice, but you seem to be handling things as well as you can be. In my own situation, my wife lives separately and said she does not intend to come back. As I don't know where she is at with separation/divorce, I decided I did not want to be surprised. I am in the process of scheduling an initial consultation with a few lawyers as I really don't know how to pick one. I really don't intent to hire until she has made a move to hire legal counsel. At this point, I only want to know my rights; what I may have to do to protect myself; and what I can expect if the worst happens. My research suggests most charge for the consultation because the consultation creates an attorney-client privelage and some people seek multiple consultations to "poison the well" (i.e., block the spouse from hiring a particular attorney).
I will hold out hope that things may yet change for you and your marriage.
