My opinion, 180s are things you can do differently when your WAS expects "more of the same" bad stuff. Do you complain a lot, point blame, act negative? Whine? I'm not saying you do, but if you do then those would be great examples of 180s, because when you learn to correct these negative attributes and act differently, she will be surprised, and eventually if she comes to believe in the new you, she might wonder if she was wrong in her conviction that it just can't work out between you two.
So that's what 180's are for.
It's not literally exact opposite, more like making surprising positive changes that are real and lasting.
So maybe some of you could offer up some advice for me.
1. I think my wife feels I was too focused on myself. I have spent these past few months trying to offer my help and support, but I think it only comes across as pursuit (or too little too late?). Doesn't detaching reinforce her belief?
2. My wife feels I am controlling. I know that there are things I was particular about and I know now that was controlling. Without the same level of interaction, what do I do? I accepted her moving out as giving up control. I have carefully avoided asking her to do anything.
3. My wife feels I am manipulative. I am having a hard time with this one because it seems to me manipulative is premeditated and controlling. I did not treat our relationship like a game of chess, thinking several moves ahead. She has not offered any examples.
4. She feels I do not respect her. This is a hard one to swallow. I feel she has done a lot of mind reading on this one. I only ever praised her to colleagues, family, and friends. (I very deliberately did not want to put others into the middle of our relationship.) I was constantly impressed with her work ethic, professionalism, accomplishments, talents, and ability to learn new things. The only thing I can come up with is if I had a different opinion on something and she did not feel I agreed with her enough. Perhaps there are some women who can help me understand?
5. She says I do not trust her. I can honestly say that while I trusted her completely on some matters (our relationship for example), I did not trust her to always do something I asked, or worse, trust her with material things. My trust issues were based on what she actually said or what she did in the past. I felt like if it wasn't important to her, she did not feel like she needed to do what I asked or take care of material things the way I thought they should be taken care of. As an example, she was extremely careful and protective of her telescope, but she abused the heck out of her car (scrapes, scratches, curb rub on all four rims, etc.) I wanted to trust her and I asked her to work with me to help me overcome trust issues. She was all or nothing about it. Either I trusted her completely with everything or I didn't trust her at all. I feel like watching her go was an act of trust. I see now how unimportant material things are and I have told her she can take whatever she wants. What else would be a 180?
