Yes, she will be mad and visciuos. But at what point do you stop giving in to a bully and start standing up for your rights? To be completely honest, I am tired of being bullyed.
NO, I absolutely don't want her slowing down the D. I think this was the source of a lot of my anxiety last week. I spent a lot of my marriage afraid of my wifes reactions. I don't want to act out of fear anymore. I want to do what I believe is right, regardless of how she is going to react.
I want to go camping with my girls without the stress of having her around. She has really hurt me, I am not detached, and I don't want to deal with the emotions that seeing her, or hearing her, or being around her. Why is this such an unreasonable request?
Don't forget, the BEST revenge is an AWESOME life without her. What does THAT look like? Get there, quickly!
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Don't forget, the BEST revenge is an AWESOME life without her. What does THAT look like? Get there, quickly!
Yes We all want to get there, we will get there, but that doesn't address in the short term W turning up to church with OM and the Kids. I for one would not accept that and if it takes calling the church elders to prevent this then I would do the same.
Like I said in my previous post how can we detach when they pull stunts like this.
I believe I have the right to attend church without the distraction and emotional issues that my wife's presence brings. The church agrees and is willing to enforce that right. In fact, they state that this happens all the time and that rarely do divorced couples stay in the same church.
I believe I have the right to go camping by myself. And it is unfair for my W to insert herself into my vacation.
I also believe that having these legitimate boundary's will eventually help my W and I heal our relationship and overcome some of the resentment we now feel.
I don't want my wife to "Disappear". And you are right that we need to work out a better relationship. I believe in forgiveness and I want to move past this into a relationship that truly supports our kids.
I need boundaries though. The primary reason I filed for D is to get some legitimate boundaries in place. I felt like I needed legal protection (financial, custody) and I needed to force a legal physical seperation.
I don't think I will ever have a decent relationship with my W again without these boundaries. I have tried the "act like you don't give a crap if she's around." approach and it doesn't work for me.
