Having suffered a few bouts of depression and associated sleep problems (alternating too little and too much), I hear ya. Meds helped me once, but long term I went off them, and this time squeaked by without them. Can't hurt to discuss with Doc and evaluate as an option.
I know the feeling about the reading. I could barely focus, but slowly read just a bit at a time until the fog lifted enough for it to be enjoyable again.
And talking to friends and family! I'm surprised they didn't move away and/or change their numbers. ;-) Just remember to be mindful of sharing too many details with well-meaning friends and family.
was just checking in on ya and your sitch. It must be hard, but your boundary was that you couldn't live in a loveless/fake marriage. So you keep up with the work.
I don't know how you feel about natural sleep aids, but melatonin is a holistic approach without addiction issues. Its VERY cheap and found in the vitamin section.
Also Folic Acid, or vitamin B9 I believe, is also a natural depression helper. The only problem with it is that its also a natural energy booster (all vitamin B's are) so u want to take a small dosage in the morning, never right before bed.
Here's hoping the light at the end of the tunnel is at least getting brighter and brighter, your almost thru it.
Thanks MileHigh and FOTW. Feeling a little better today. W is not talking to me other than spewing and has told me she wants me to move out ASAP.
I told her I will move out as soon as she signs the D agreement. She said she will sign it as soon as I get it ready. And, she changed her mind and wants to keep the house.
This took two big worries off my plate. I was really worried about how I was going to afford the house. Before she went on her little vacation, she said she wouldn't sign anything and that she was going to drag this out and "Take everything from me" in a bitter legal fight.
I tried calling my L on Friday, but her secretary said she was out on personal business. Hopefully we can connect on Monday. I really want this over.
The reality of D is beginning to set in and she really resents me. Everything is my fault. If only I would live in the arrangement she wanted, we would all be better off.
The latest conflict is over church. Last Saturday, she announced to me that she was taking the girls to church and that she was bringing a "Guest". I told her that it was completely inappropriate for a married woman to go to church with another man, and I do not want my kids around these men; especially going to church. What kind of a twisted values message does that send to my kids? She said it is only a friend and that she will do whatever she wants.
I called one of the elders at the church and explained the situation. I told him that I can't control what my W does, but that I shouldn't have to deal with this at my church. He met with 2 of the other elders and sent her an email that she could not attend any services at the church until they have had a chance to meet with her.
They exchanged a series of emails with my W saying she can do whatever she want and that it is none of their business and them telling her that security will escort her out of the building, etc... Finally she agreed to meet with them after church last Sunday.
According to the elder, the meeting lasted 2 hours. The churches position is that my W's behaviour is out of line with the teachings of the church and that she must follow certain guidelines. While she is married, she cannot attend services with any male "Guests". Once we are divorced, because they have determined that I am the "innocent party", she will have to find a different church.
After our argument about church (a week ago Sat), my W indicated that she will "Never talk to me again". So she never acknowledged the meeting or the outcome. Since she went on her trip, we hadn't spoken for a week.
In that same discussion (a week ago Sat) she announced that she was going to go camping with us over labor day weekend. We have gone camping with the same group of friends for the last 5 years.
I said "No", you are not invited this year. She said that one of the women camping invited her and that she is going. If she doesn't go then she will not let m take the kids.
I called the leader of the group and explained the situation. He made it clear that my W is not invited and that he would talk to the Woman who invited my W, explain the situation and ask her to rescind the invitation. I followed up with him last week and he confirmed that the invitation will be rescinded and that my W is not invited.
Since she was out of town, she has not been notified that she cannot go. I have to talk to my L tomorrow about what rights I have to take my kids.
For the life of me, I can't understand why my W wants to go. Since she started her MLC, she hardly talks to this group of friends and she rarely goes to church. It is like some type of game where she wants to 'Win".
I am getting a D, she has left me, and I want her out of my life. I do not want to see her at church and I do not want to go camping with her. She has told me for a year that she wants a seperation. Why can't she seperate?
I am lost for words at your W behaviour, it is bang out of order but not a surprise as I see similar things in my sitch like W dragging out the D when she is the one asking for it. How can we ever detach when they play these silly games with us. When we apply logic and reality they just spew and pull another stunt.
I am glad your W change of mind over the house works in your favour, but be prepared for her to change her mind again as she tries to knock your off balance again. I can see that you really have your work cut out with this one.
That same night (a week ago Sat), we had a fight about the kids. I asked her if she had made any arrangements for child care while she was going on her vacation. I work full time, and during summer, she has typically taken care of the kids during the day.
Her response: "You're their parent, take care of it" Me: "OK, I will take care of it" And she walked away.
She came back and gave me alist of the kids activities and instructions on a list of things she wanted me to do.
My response: "You are going on a 5 day vacation with some man, abandoning me and the kids, and now you want to dictate to me what I need to do next week? I will be here, you will be gone, I will be responsible for the kids and I will take care of it" Her: "It is a business trip" Me: "We both know that is a lie" And she walked away. I went to bed.
30 minutes later, she walks into my room, turns on the light and announces that she has taken care of everything. She has given the next door neighbor boy a schedule and paid him to drive D12 to all her activities. Me: "No, I am not going to work, leaving my 3 kids alone all day and asking a 16yr old boy to come over and run my D12 around town." Her: "This is what I have arranged and you need to do it" Me: "I said I would take care of it and I will" Her: "I am going to sit here (on the side of my bed), with the light on until you agree to my plan" Me: "Whatever and rolled over and tried to go back to sleep"
This is where she said she was going to stop being agreeable about the D, and would take everything from me and other threats. Eventually, she left.
By the way, I did not leave my kids alone all day, I arranged child care. And, I did not hand D12 over to some 16 yr old boy.
I cannot believe my W thinks that it is appropriatte to ask a 16yr old boy to pick D12 up from cheerleading practice, and drive her home @ 12:00 to an empty house when I won't be home until 5:00. I like the neghbor boy, but this plan was just plain foolish.
I am not asking her to wear a scarlet letter. I am asking her to get out of my life. And, I am not accusing her of adultery. I am accusing her of not wanting to continue in the marriage.
The church is not accepting my accusation, They met with her and asked her directly, Her response was that she does not want to continue in the marriage.
Like in the future? I can hardly imagine her more vicious than she has been the last 3 months.
These are legitimate boundaries and before I tried to enforce them, I asked her if she would respect my feelings and willingly make some changes to her plans. Her response is always that she will do whatever she wants, regardless of how I feel. These conflicts need to be resolved.
I am not calling everywhere SHE goes, I am dealing with the places I go. Why can't she give me some space? Maybe she needs to DB.
