Two years in limbo, it's a fine place

[adinva]

So, journaling the latest. I asked H for some money. My son's scout account was way overdue including this year's summer camp and ski trip and last year's summer camp. I emailed H and asked him to pay last year's summer camp, and he's going to.

MIL emailed asking to see us and we made a plan for this weekend, H brought her to spend the day with him doing errands and help his friend move stuff, and we were going to meet for lunch. 30 minutes before lunch time my dog ran off, S15 fell asleep claiming to be sick, S13 made plans to go to a friend's - which we try to encourage because he spends most days alone in our house. So I asked H and MIL if they wouldn't mind just coming to my house instead of meeting at a restaurant 30 minutes away. They agreed and I made fried rice.

S15 never came out of his room. S13 was made to stay home until he'd had a conversation with grandma but then he was allowed to go to his friend's. He and the friend ended up coming back to our house anyway.

MIL said she didn't want the boys to come to her house because she didn't want them to be bored. I asked her, does [other more favored grandson] go to your house? She said yes. I asked, "is he bored there?" she said no. I said, it would be nice for the kids to spend time at your house. Next time we'll come to you.

While H was puttering around somewhere else in the house she told me her good friend's daughter's husband "left and is taking everything." The kids, I asked? No, she said, the money, he wants all the money. I had trouble with this conversation so I did't ask follow up questions to encourage it to die a quick death and move on to a subject I felt better participating in.

I mentioned to H that S13 is thinking about hanging a hammock in his room, and H was all, I'll get the hooks and I can put them in and etc, and I asked him if he could do it together with S since S needs to learn to be self sufficient; I didn't tell H in order for him to jump in and do it FOR us.

H gave me a suggestion about a van he found for sale, and I asked him to please stop worrying about my car. It's fine, I'm not in the market for another car now. I let him know the service appointment was about the radio speakers, because he's getting in my business and acting like my car is his issue. That is annoying to me.

He's been working out a lot, his arms are huge. I do not find them attractive.

On the positive side, he made a joke about S13's friend having been raised in the jungle, and it was nice to all be laughing together. And he gave me two guitar stands that I can use for my meetup.

I felt a little bad or guilty because I couldn't produce the kids and get them to give their dad and grandma some quality time. Well, S13 did Ok before leaving to get his friend. S15 well, another mysterious illness that resolves after his dad leaves.

I hired a contractor to fix our walkway and submitted the application for HOA approval of the job. It's broken to the point that my mom can't get in or out of our house without a major production. I thought I didn't have the money to do it, but unfortunately someday I might be getting money from her estate. I decided to spend it now enabling her to get into my house. It'll all work out. Anyway, I wanted to keep H out of my business, but he's still a co-owner of the house and it seemed like a bigger infraction for me to be secretive about construction on our property, so I sent him a brief email informing him of the work that was going to be done, just so he wouldn't wonder when he sees the workers next month. He had no comment.

MIL made a big issue about how lunch at the restaurant was going to be for my birthday and I messed it up by cooking lunch, and she was going to need to take me out another time. I said, really, don't worry about it, seeing you is enough, and it means a lot simply that you remembered my birthday. H made no comment.

I told H there was something he could help me with, and he jumped right on it and took care of it. I needed help getting the metal screw part of a broken lightbulb out of our kitchen fixture. I would have thought it needed shutting off the power to the kitchen, but he just got pliers and fixed it. I appreciated having that done.

I think this new kind of normal is manageable; I felt a little anxious about the need to avoid things that annoyed him in the past (like being exactly where I'm supposed to be exactly on time and not changing plans or making things more confusing) but when I felt anxious I reminded myself that there's nothing to fear, worry is useless and I can handle what comes as it comes, whatever it is. I didn't stay anxious. I did move the Shoes out of the front hallway and I did put away the Christmas lights that got pushed in a corner. Those were my concessions to things I know bug him. AKA 180s.

I had some GAL planned today but it fell through, there were too many teens over for me to sneak out to the bar my friend played at but they're there every month so I'll catch them next time. I got lots of work done on my gardens, much needed, and some catchup work closing out my final volunteer job, also much needed. I set aside this weekend for that type of stuff, and to get ready for a camping trip next weekend.

By the way, the new song I'm learning to play is Closer to Fine, bug!