One giant leap forward! - Part 4

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Actually, I said that and then realized I was not any different. I would tell H it was over with OM and physicslly it was but emotionally it wasn't. I knew I didn't want to end our M but I was afraid to give up the happiness, freedom and fulfillment I had found so I told him what he wanted to hear and then did what I wanted. I wasn't trying to be mean or string him along; I knew deep inside I didn't want to lose him or end our M but I was also very, very co used and afraid of going back to that place I had been in for years. "One toe in" was probably a very accurate description for me for a long time, I just didn't admit it.

I am not excusing or justifying W's behavior. I just suddenly saw it from the POV I had after my A.