Hi TS, Glad you posted, I am getting a little nervous as I inch my way toward putting my boundaries out there, and staying consistent with my decisions.
~~~ Well, it certainly didn't give him pause enough to not go help ea. I asked him if he was aware of the sitch, and how leaving to help her was going strengthen my cause.
He said yes, followed by, it's not about ''her'' tho, it's me.
We spent some one-on-one time being honest about our lives and he revealed some thoughts to me. I gave him some of my opinions on his character and behaviour and made my way to saying..."you told me losing everything means nothing to you one time too many times".
I said I have some options for the future and one of them includes taking the mortgage bank up on their offer for a free value assessment. He said give it time, I haven't made any decisions, I'm not leaving.
''But, you're not here either, and I am done with that''. We discussed how I feel about him today and my need to move forward with someone who will have me in their thoughts, and my best interest at heart.
I said, I'm done with his everyday concern with ea, and need to help in order to get that at·ta·boy he craves, while believing he is worthless to his own family. I'm not trying to change that, I just don't want to be around it anymore.
He admitted she is a monster and how he craves that strength in her to cut him into pieces and leave him to rot. I said, that's not a strength, that's hatred, and you and I will never heal, as long as you need this sick attention.
He said but I need you, I need your goodness to balance me, I said sorry, I have to worry about myself and be away from this sickness. He insists it's ok because there is not PA, I said that's because she won't, I believe you would because it adds to that character of rebellion, he agreed.
He needs to go, he's still very much in the ''grass is greener'' mode and believes he likes being miserable, he needs to experience all the dreams he has of being unaccountable to me.
Why won't he go? Does he really fear that will close the door to this family forever? I know he doesn't want to be with her in a R, but I am not his easy way to have both, his freedom, and me, like he wants.
The good thing is I am putting a lot of consideration into my choices and trying not to let emotions hold me back from going forward.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
