Been thinking about the IC. I think I found something we can start discussing next week. I do want to talk about the past - regarding M. I was thinking about her comment about me jumping through hoops. I did explain my anger/frustration/impatience, etc. What I didn't tell her about how when W and I first met, she was young and had never even been in a real relationship, and I was older (enough) to have been married once and I had had a few "serious" GFs in HS. She looked to me to learn a lot about the dynamics of a serious relationship.
I wasn't a very good teacher. And she had a way of tensing up a bit when I hugged her, so I took that as rejection and started withholding affection - hugging, hand holding, basically any kind of touching. This wasn't a problem in my first M so I judged her to much and instead of looking for what worked, I began pulling back and did so for years until she was starving for affection. Things I was insensitive about really upset her and festered for years.
I did better for just a while when we started piecing after first separation, then fell right back into my old ways.
The older we get, the more she is becoming a treasure to me. In her own words, she told me I took her for granted.
If we make it to piecing again, I need to completely overhaul how I treat her day to day. The small things, that melt a woman's heart. Telling her she's pretty. Giving her little gifts for no reason. Holding her hand when we go for walks.
So, I need accountability partners if I'm going to make that change for real this time, and keep it up. My IC, and you folks here on this forum!
