25 - thank you SO much for all your just wrote. I needed to hear it and it actually got me excited about the opportunities that I'm missing out on (and want to take advantage of).
I started a new job this past week, so I'm trying to socialize more! Everyone I've met so far seems super nice.
I've also decided to go back to school this upcoming semester, so I think that will also be a great opportunity for me to meet new people who live in the area.
My goals for the week are GAL (outdoor and not by myself) activities when I go back to Hawaii this week to visit friends and family.
Baby steps, right?
By the way, do you still do stand up now? You have done lots of interesting GAL activities! Thank you for the motivation to do my own!
Journaling:
Going back home tomorrow for a week to visit my sister and family (who are home visiting her)! I'm looking forward to spending time with my family because as I said, I rarely spend time with them anymore (mostly because we all live in different states).
Okay, something really frustrating just happened. One of my friends (who is a mutual friend of the Ex and a lot of our other friends) asked if I still talked to that friend I used to talk to a lot before theEx and I broke up. From this point on, I will refer to my former friend as SS because it will stand for sh.. stirrer.
Anyway, I told her SS and I don't really talk anymore and haven't for over a year now. I said she has texted me a few times and our conversations were usually very brief because I don't want to engage. Part of my 180 is to be more aware of how I interact with people and establish firm boundaries. TheEx always felt insecure about SS and I didn't do enough back then to reassure her, so (for many reasons), I stopped being close friends with SS and really distanced her from my life.
Anyway, so SS was back home and saw this girl I used to be friends with (who also dated theEx way back when). SS and the girl were friends in HS, but not anymore since SS has basically alienated herself from all her Hawaii friends and burned a lot of bridges.
SS knows that this girl and I aren't friends anymore, but she decided to just randomly go up to her when she saw her at a restaurant, make small talk, and then said something like, "Guess who I'm friends with? SpecialK! Yeah, we're really good friends and blah blah blah. And you know who I hate? I hate SpecialK's ex because she's a moocher and SpecialK is just too nice to her and etc."
This was an upsetting conversation to hear about for many reasons.
1) Me and SS haven't really talked in a year since when theEx and I broke up. We've had a couple of brief conversations about nothing, but I pretty much let the conversation die if she reaches out to me. So for her to tell someone who I'm no longer friends with anymore that she and I are friends is just...weird.
2) Complaining about theEx to this girl (who also dated theEx a long time ago -- they are not on bad terms on anything -- and someone who I am not friends with) is not only inappropriate, but makes me look a jerk who is talking bad about theEx behind her back. No no no!
3) Even when SS and I used to be friends, I made it a point NOT to share my own relationship problems with her. So I find it very irritating that she's creating all this unnecessary drama. And if I did share personal information with her, that would make the SS even WORSE because she would have been sharing that stuff with people she's not even friends with anymore. Either way, it's just not right.
I cleared things up with my friend and she said, "Good, I didn't think you guys talked anymore anyway. When (the girl I'm no longer friends with) told me what happened, she was like what the heck is SpecialK telling SS that would make her think that about her? But I told her, no, SS is just crazy and now I know it's true."
I told my friend not to tell this story to theEx because it would just upset her and honestly, I didn't want theEx to get triggered by the story since we have been doing so well lately. I think SS is probably still a trigger for theEx and I didn't want to stir up negative emotions right before I go out of town for a week. Plus, I don't want her to be upset over SS and I being friends because...well, we're not friends.
I know what SS did might seem petty, but I guess what upset me most was that I have worked SO hard this past year to be a better person, a better partner, and really begin to mend what I broke in my relationship. The SS's obnoxious behavior really upset me because I felt like she was trying to make me look bad AND set me back in my relationship like 32483024 steps.
