wife hardends heart-3

[planet]

I asked IF she would return my share of the house and she agreed but in monthly payments. The amount will negate the sum of the alimony I shall pay to W for couple of years. W will call L to revised the joint petition.
Yesterday, she said that i'm selfish since my earlier reason to give away my share of the house was for my kids. She said our children's expenses is high and if I don't contribute since the sum is negated then she will have to bear it alone. She can manage without my help. I told her she was free to think anyway she saw fits. I planned to deposit a small amount into my kids account but I didn't tell her and just kept quiet.
I will bear my responsibility regardless of the outcome of my new business. I will care for my kids and still contribute in whatever ways I can. There is no reason why I would not and I just don't know why she would think otherwise. Have I not given my entire salary each month and leave just 'lunch money' to myself? Have I not proven myself throughout the years? What new things do I have? How it that selfish?
She's guilt tripping me again and I'm not buying this.
I used to give my parents a small monthly allowance but stopped because W says our expenses was high. I'm reluctant but I figured W was probably right. She said after the bomb that she didn't want to give money to my parents. I'm hurt hearing that because the amount was really small. I don't know it that's WAS talk but it felt that she had lead me to feel guilty over not prioritizing her and the kids.

[PatientMan]

I hope you are documenting all of these unstable events... threatening to kill herself and others would not give me much confidence in the person legally entrusted with the well being of my children.

-PM

[MrBond]

Right now it doesn't matter what SHE wants right now. She didn't want to give money to your parents to punish them. So you're free now to give them money if you want to.

[planet]

It's selfish when I did not find a better paying job but instead got too comfortable with the current one. Expenses will always go up. I should take up the responsibility to provide more for my family.
It's selfish when I just let W manage our finances and takes no interest in them. She does pay for what I didn't cover. I guess she didn't feel right that she has to pay more at times. I felt that we chewed more than what we could swallow.
W did request that we talk about our finances when we are arguing or mad at each other. Maybe I should just calm down and listen. Maybe she should just pick the right time. I don't know. It's all in the past now.
What irks me the most was when I mentioned something about her little luxuries and she snapped 'it's my money'. She's right and I never questioned her on her spending since that episode.

[planet]

W asks me for money again. It's something for D4's extra-curricular class which i can't afford.
I payed for the mortgage and my kids school fees this month. I'm paying also for my own expenses since W did not want share the cost anymore. It's very little i could spare.
It just doesn't matter to her that i'm living a life of a pauper. All she can think of is that i'm selfish and did not want to pay for anything more. She knows my salary was reduced.
I wish i could give more for my Ds. Hopefully, my hard work now pays off. Then, i can afford something better for them.

I'm leaving this weekend. I have made sure every lock is in working condition and repaired those isn't. I have programed her mobile into the alarm system and removed mine. I taught her how to use it and printed out the necessary steps. She don't looked like she's interested to learn. If there's an emergency, everyone panics and i'm worried. Should i program my mobile along side hers?

My father texted a message which touched my heart so much that i cried. I cried only a few times in my life. He says he fully supports my decision and prays for my reconciliation in the future. He says he loves me, something i have never ever heard before. My FATHER, the ever distant one, would encourage me in hard times. My mom is preparing my old room for me. My family were never really that 'cold' after all. I don't feel so alone now.

[newman7977]

Hang in there planet, you'll get through this. Concentrate on being the best you can for you and your kids.

Glad your family is there for support.

Keep venting posting here.

Newman

[planet]

I got back home today very late in the evening. I told W there is one lock that needs replacing and she went into 'talk' mode. We talked about her past grievances and this time reaching back to the days when we were dating. She really lay it out calmly this time and did mentioned that we do have happy moments. She even admitted her own flaws. She said she was relieved that we are divorcing. She even asked me if i have ever loved her.
I validated her feelings and did not put up any resistance.
She tried to convince me that I shouldn't fight her on our kid's custody and at one point was beginning to threaten me to which i stopped her immediately.
What's up with her? On the eve of my leaving?
I thought she was glad that i'm leaving. Doesn't look like it but i'm still leaving in the morning.

[25yearsmlc]

"Yesterday, W warned me from taking the kids to my family and if i would defy her she would personally go over to my parents and 'kill' mom disregarding the consequences. I told her to calm down as i'm sticking to our earlier verbal agreement. "

In this country, you call the police or family court when threats like that are made. It also sounds unstable of her.

This was the wrong thing to do. You can't keep giving in to her when she threatens. It's like she's a child who wants to have her way. If you have no choice but to stay with your parents, then it's something she's going to have to deal with. When she threatens to do something like that, just tell her that that is HER choice to do. And then walk away.

Amen

[25yearsmlc]

I asked IF she would return my share of the house and she agreed but in monthly payments. The amount will negate the sum of the alimony I shall pay to W for couple of years. W will call L to revised the joint petition.


Get things in writing that are enforceable. Keep your word, but get Her promises in writing.


Yesterday, she said that i'm selfish since my earlier reason to give away my share of the house was for my kids.


This^^^ makes no sense. Either you misunderstood her, or she's simply incorrect. Do not waste energy on it. If she names the wrong city as capital, MUST you correct her? The answer is No...


She said our children's expenses is high and if I don't contribute since the sum is negated then she will have to bear it alone. She can manage without my help. I told her she was free to think anyway she saw fits. I planned to deposit a small amount into my kids account but I didn't tell her and just kept quiet.


Do you have a L or not? You need an advocate.


I will bear my responsibility regardless of the outcome of my new business. I will care for my kids and still contribute in whatever ways I can. There is no reason why I would not and I just don't know why she would think otherwise.


Really? Read your earlier posts. You have Not been involved as a father, until recently.


Have I not given my entire salary each month and leave just 'lunch money' to myself? Have I not proven myself throughout the years? What new things do I have? How it that selfish?


You have Not proved yourself over the years. You just began.

But your choice about the house and kids, recently, is not selfish.

Your past is still being held against you. Only time changes that, if ever. Her opinion cannot always matter.

Consistent change + sufficient time, will reveal to Her that your changes are real & will be lasting.

She's guilt tripping me again and I'm not buying this.

Good.

I used to give my parents a small monthly allowance but stopped because W says our expenses was high

Your w & children are your priorities. If you cannot afford a place of your own, you are in no position to be supporting your parents. Save up to have a place for your kids, with You.


. I'm reluctant but I figured W was probably right. She said after the bomb that she didn't want to give money to my parents. I'm hurt hearing that because the amount was really small. I don't know it that's WAS talk but it felt that she had lead me to feel guilty over not prioritizing her and the kids.

I don't know how much it is, or if it is any of HER business at all. I'm just saying your situation is not a good one.

Being a good provider is hard on men. I have many brothers and a son. But it is seen as "the man's job.".

You cannot live with your parents for long, and be seen as the man you want to be.

Did you see the rest of my post?

Why do you believe God won't take you back OR

Are you just saying you are now an atheist? Just curious. You DO need to talk to someone.

Keep on keeping on. Keep posting.

[MrBond]

"It's selfish when I did not find a better paying job but instead got too comfortable with the current one."

That's not selfish. If you were in a job you liked and could grow in it, then there's nothing wrong with it.

"Expenses will always go up. I should take up the responsibility to provide more for my family."

It sounded like your lifestyle was pretty high. You could have cut down a little and just been happy with what you had. And your W should have supported you.

"It's selfish when I just let W manage our finances and takes no interest in them."

Not really. Some men like taking care of the finances and some women do. Men don't have to do the finances in every relationship.

"W did request that we talk about our finances when we are arguing or mad at each other. Maybe I should just calm down and listen."

You should do this for any subject that comes up.

"What irks me the most was when I mentioned something about her little luxuries and she snapped 'it's my money'. She's right and I never questioned her on her spending since that episode."

Does she bother you about what your spending habits were? If you're going to talk to her about finances, you also have to do it in a way where she doesn't sound accused of something.