Me 10 months on. Dark and detaching still.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks to all for the replies. Let me start by saying, I am not being negative about the talk with the boss, I am trying to see things in a different perspective to what I thought was fine. A bit like most of our sitch's.
Firstly, the tattoo, yes, bad choice to put it on Facebook. But it's done. The only person that matters, my W, knows the meaning of it. But if given the chance I will discuss it in a different more understanding way to her. And validate her feelings.
Secondly, I have shown a PMA at our school for a long time. Constantly asked by fellow teaches and staff why I am always so happy. So to be told I am looking depressed has me scratching my head, as to how I could even try to fix it. I am one of the only few people in this school (a very low esteem among staff)who quite happily chat to different staff members, who visits the lunch room (very few teachers do) who moves around and says hello each morning.
Doesn't mean that don't know what is going on with me, and how I am hurting, but I am trying to show no negativity with me or against others/school/life.

HWA, by the sounds of it your principal thinks you're depressed. I think I would go and see you doctor and get a letter from him/her to tell the principal that you are no longer depressed.
I also think your W was out of order discussing things to your principal. At least though it shows she is concerned about you and still worries about you (or maybe she;s being a b*tch?).

One thing though that got me curious. Do you zone out when people are talking to you or you're watching TV or reading a book?

TTD180, the principal is a very controlling, demanding and all for him person. Therefore a lot of the conversation would be to cover him. I could think about getting a letter from the doctor, I don't know how that would go and whether I should do it anyway. It does still show to me the W cares (maybe I should simply focus on that as the positive), I certainly don't think she is doing this to be a b**ch, that is simply not her. And I wouldn't think otherwise. The zone out again I don't understand. Yes before BD, if someone would talk to me when I was on the computer, I would continue doing the work and kinda half listen. Now I have turned that around, I will stop what I am doing and make eye contact while they are talking. The only zone out I could think of, if it is school we are talking about is the staff meetings. Which in all honesty everyone zones out at. It is not like they are lively at our school, where everyone is up and talking asking questions. Our meetings are dead, everyone simply wants to get out asap, so no one talks, eats, laughs or ask questions. So I am no different to any other teacher at those meetings.

OK, well I think it's a bit nosey (especially the 3 drinks part) but apply your DB'ing and look at this as an opportunity for improvement. It seems the sentiment is more than anything that you're acting depressed. If you're not seeing an IC then you should, because people in mild to moderate depression often don't know they are in it (I have first-hand experience with that). So see an IC and try and discover if maybe you are depressed, and discuss treatment options. Above all else, work on that PMA!!

I agree it also is a bit nosey. Maybe the boss (and others) are simply not looking at any individual things I do, but everything together. I could understand if I went to the dinner and got totally plastered, as being a sign of out of control, but really, 3 drinks. Wherever they have seen me drink or not before, that one simply [censored]. Again, like my reply to TTD180, I might go to the doctor and get rechecked. I was on AD before the BD, and went off them cold turkey before Christmas. I felt they didn't allow me to be more positive when I wanted to be. After reading the DB books and other self help books I knew I was being held back by the AD. Even now I feel no need to have them, and personally, I don't feel any of the issues that I had back then for me to require them again. All I can do is continue to PMA. That is what this whole questioning is about, what more can I do.

Do you think your boss is trying to sabotage your transfer? What is your boss normally like to work for? Has he changed since you and your W separated?

It could be stress or lack of sleep that may sometimes affect you negatively. Go and have a check up anyway, it can't do any harm Some people can't cope with the sitch and this could be the case with your boss and the teachers.
Just another thought. Have any of the teachers started acting different to you or is there anyone who backstabs amongst the teaching staff? I've worked at schools before and you do get backstabbing at times and rumours spreading.

TTD180, I don't think the boss is trying to sabotage the transfer, if anything, I think he wants me out, so he doesn't have to deal with the issues. The boss is a bully, simple as that. That is not my view, but view of many of the other teachers. He will take anything said and use it against you, many months down the track. He will surprise you with something you said ages ago, like he holds things in waiting for the right moment. Nearly all the staff want to get out of this school because of him. No teachers have acted differently to me, apart from "move on" and "we have divorced, it happens, get over it" kind of talk. We have 3 backstabbing teachers at our school, and I like other staff, don't discuss anything to them apart from what is necessary school discussions.
The lack of sleep is probably the one thing I need to see a doctor for. It is not affecting me, with what I see or feel. But I do know that I am not getting enough sleep and/or find it hard to go to sleep.

Whatever you do...do not talk to W at all. Let her approach you and bring up whatever topics she chooses to do.

I question why your W spoke to the principal as it seems overreaching on her part. There's a part of me that wonders if W is planting some seeds to portray you in a negative light. Again, that's assuming the worst from W.

Back in my previous post, it is best to lay low and do some damage control by posting positive, upbeat, and innocuous topics on your FB page. Then do what my friend Bets (Underdog) does...put on your best Bob Barker face...and fake it until you make it. You've seen the tv show The Price Is Right with Bob Barker as the host, right?

Wonka, I will not be contacting the W, she will need to initiate any contact. I do wonder why the W brought the subject up to the principals. Presumably (mindreading) she would have spoken to her boss, for whatever reason, her boss then contacted mine. So maybe it wasn't the W wanting my boss to know, but just simply our sitch being passed on. While I truly believe my W wouldn't do anything nasty, I also have to have a small seed in the back of my mind, that maybe she did. She is an alien now. Only positives on Facebook. Yes.
The Bob Barker face has been at the school for a long time, that is why the questioning about some of the comments made. But I am reading a book about smiling "smile" by Ron Gutman.

And sometimes, just sometimes, what they say is worth listening to, not in a "oh god I'm always doing the wrong thing" way but in a "gee it's interesting how I seem to be coming across and what can I modify to come across differently" way.

For what it's worth, from a complete stranger and not privy to your reasonings and meanings, I found your tattoo alarming. It said no second chances right? I think you can expect that people who don't know you very very well are going to interpret that as an angry statement toward your ex that you had permanently inked onto your body. I'm sorry to say that but if you want to know where your W and principal might be coming from, I'll add a stranger's opinion.

If you get a chance, you might welcome the opportunity to talk about your tattoo and what it means to you since without any context it seems likely it's being misinterpreted.

Let backstabbing ideas and W being out of line, IMO, go. Let it go. Resolve their concerns by being OK rather than by trying to control what is said about you.

Don't allow people farther into your personal issues than they need to be, so you don't need to explain to your principal or friends or anyone that you are or arent on ADs or why or when. That's not their business! Their business is, are you OK? Which you can smile and say, doing better every day thanks.

they start to tell me THEIR woe stories and I end up comforting THEM.

I know you can do it because you feel it on the inside. Just need to project it.

Adinva, what they are saying is what I what I am listening to. I do want to modify what I am coming across like. That was the whole point of my comments. I view me as being or showing PMA, it doesn't come across that way, so what can I do? This is not about me whingieng or crying poor me. It is about me wanting to show changes, but how?
I can understand how you and anyone not privy to the tattoo statement could take it. As I mentioned before though, the W is privvy to the statement, she made it. But I accept it was wrong to put on Facebook in the way I did it. I could have or should have added a statement if needed, or better still not do it. I have explained the meaning of the tattoo to both my sons and friends who I talk to. Haven't explained the tattoo to W's family as no contact.
I don't feel the talk with the boss is for any backstabbing reasons or that the W is trying to be nasty. Simply the idea is not there. So no need to worry about that.

Funny about hearing people's woe stories, because that is all I hear from a lot of the teachers. That is another kind of thing I question. I try to show PMA at school, a lot of teachers feel comfortable telling me their woes and worries, without listening to mine or asking or being told mine. And I offer the comforting replies.

Thanks again everyone for offering your feedback. Please understand, this whole boss statement is for me to try and improve or change, because I thought I was doing good, especially at work. It is not a whinge or gripe, even though it might come across that way (I need to learn to write in a better more understanding way).
My comments were based on trying (as we all are) to improve ourselves with the hope of R with the WAS. My real concern is that what I have been portraying or trying to improve over the last 10 months, feels like it has backfired or come across as totally wrong. This is what I am wanting to fix or change. If my W feels that I am out of control or in danger of hurting myself 10 months down the track, what am I portraying myself as? I thought I was portraying myself as an improvement? I thought I was trying to portray myself as GAL?