25, I respect your input GREATLY. I cannot express how much I have missed your insight, but what I am about to say is how I feel.
SP, when are you going to learn that you can't trust your feelings? They betray you EVERY TIME. You are overwhelmed by your feelings, they consume you and make you say stupid things when you should instead just shut up and listen. By the way, when you throw "but" into a statement it completely negates everything before it.
Quote:
I am not sure, but perhaps you have not been following my posts very closely. You seem to be far off base.
Let's turn the "way back machine" to 11-29-12 and see why SP says his M is failing:
"Her biggest complaint in our marriage is my arguing. I am hypercritical by nature and usually feel that I have to argue and win every conversation."
Wow, really? Well THANK GOODNESS you've done a 180 on this! Seriously though, don't you see you are STILL doing this??? No? Go back and read your responses to 25!
Quote:
I know this is a problem I have, and I am trying to work on it.
It's been almost 9 months, how would you say you've done on this?
Quote:
I think most people would consider us the sarcastic bickering couple. We nit pick each other constantly.
I see a lot of this "bickering" in your threads too. You bicker with most everyone here. It's a passive/ aggressive thing, you argue and then capitulate, then repeat.
Quote:
Really, I guess our biggest problem is just engaging each other and communicating our needs and feelings. We tend to walk on each others feelings instead of lifting them up.
You still have trouble with this too.
Quote:
Upon her return, I would give her the silent treatment, and she should would respond with the same. We eventually get over that, and the next issue is on the table for us to bicker over, but we never get to that happy point where we should be.
And what about now, are you ever happy? I don't sense it.
SP, you've had moments of growth in your threads, but then you backslide and fall right back into your old ways. You have GOT to double down and do the hard work it takes to make yourself a better person. You need to go back to the start and "begin with a beginner's mind".
25 mentioned seeking medical attention, you should do that. We see things in your posts that you do not, and I certainly agree with her that there are a LOT of signs of depression and emotional issues in your posts. People in mild to moderate depression rarely know they're in it, and in fact will often argue that they're not. It's not until they get out of it that they realize how ensconced they were. So go for you and for your D. If they tell you that you're not depressed, then you're just out a visit. No biggie. But if you are in depression, it may save your life or save you from doing something really stupid (which I agree with 25 that you are primed to do).
