Bright New Day

[psluke]

Dwelling on the divorce today. Really wishing I could just go away and someone would handle it all for me.

I think V day is bothering me also, I know last year I wondered if he would do anything and I got the dozen roses with the card that said the same thing he always writes on them. Hope it wasn't always a lie.

J got a dozen roses last year as well, wonder if her card said the same thing as mine.

I know dwelling on those things isn't going to get me anywhere, but that seems to be where I am at today. Guess after I sit with it for awhile maybe it will pass, sometimes it works that way for me.

[psluke]

So if I decide to just run away where do you go to try to start your life over?

No ideas, no thoughts, just emptiness.

[sage]

Ms. Pam,
I'm sorry that the day seems so down for you. {{{PAM}}}

Let me ask you this...what would you be doing THERE (wherever there is!) that you're not doing HERE to "start your life over again"?

Why NOT do it here so we know where to find you???

Start your life over (??) here, Pam...if distant shores still appeal after a time...well, you'll already have some practice.

How's that list of "babystep actions for Pam to take" coming?

Sage

[psluke]

The babysteps aren't coming at all. I slept a lot of the weekend and then my sister brought her taxes down and I went to my friends to help her out as she is really behind right now. Supposed to go to her office again tonight as well.

There are too many memories of D and J and my freind D here. Good memories and now bad memories as well. Just lots of pain.

I don't really feel real down today, rather scattered, but not real depressed.

[psluke]

Well, at least I now have something going on for V-day.

G and I made plans this afternoon to get together and try some of the wine he brought back from Canada, but don't want to try to go out for dinner.


So order pizza? There really isn't anything in the house to cook.

We are getting together with his friend on Wednesday evening for dinner and then going to my friends for her to do his taxes.

I didn't want to do the dinner but he pretty much just told me he would pick me up.

[alaskangal]

Pam..hugs out at you....

Sounds like G has a great idea for you...go have dinner and enjoy yourself...I seem to remember another time you didn't want to go out with him but ended up having a great time...do you recall? So, let it happen...G seems to be a good friend for you to fall back on...let the wine flow and the food be decadent...dip strawberries in chocolate and enjoy the day...put thoughts of all else out of your mind...

Know what I hope to be doing? Going to an AA dance with a blue eyed 12 year old ...my son...and I know for certain he loves me so all other men be danged on V-day...I have a date that wants to be with me for pure reasons...and you know what Pam? So do you! G wants to take YOU out on V-day..so enjoy!

[Livnlearn]

Hi Pam

Over on Alaskangal's thread you metioned not being able to dance, so my suggestion to you is to go our and enroll for dance classes - they get you out, having fun, physical exercise helps to relieve depression and tension, it will take your mind off obssessing, and you will be meeting new people! Go for it!

Livnlearn.

[sage]

Morning Pam -- Cool that you've got something going on for VDAY!

It occurred to me last night that I invalidated your "move away and start over" thoughts...sorry about that! I realized last night that instead of encouraging I had been discouraging! And THEN I remembered SO CLEARLY the period of time I had when I was VERY busy planning my "escape route" -- you know, the PLAN to rebuild my life elsewhere...

It made me feel better to:

Work out the finances of a D on paper
Look for houses I could afford on line www.realtor.com
Look for jobs that I thought I would LOVE in the areas that I had picked
ETC

Just having a backup plan -- knowing I did have choices -- helped me to feel better even if my plan couldn't map into the life that I HAD and WANTED (m, my current house, etc).

So...some of this speaks directly to addressing your fears...

What dreams do YOU have Pam?

Sage

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Good Morning Pam!

I'm so glad you are going to see G's friend again.

When I read that I felt soooo much better!

I hope the dinner goes really well!

Hugs!

[psluke]

Well, just got email from G that restaurant we were going to Wed. closed. So we might not do dinner.

I feel real fuzzy and out there today and I don't know if I took my pill once or twice last night. I guess I need something to mark off if I have taken it or not because sometimes I have trouble remembering if I have taken it. I really think it is affecting my memory a great deal. I type weird things now, forget things like my purse Sun. morning, got all the way to the grocery and had to turn around and go home.

Today I have a very don't care attitude on top covering a great deal of pain it feels underneath.

G reminded me yesterday that our court date is only 4 weeks away.

Maybe stress is part of this feeling I am not sure.

Just got email back from G, didn't know he had a sense of humor. It is cute. I don't think I'm getting out of dinner.