Me 10 months on. Dark and detaching still.

[adinva]

Hi there, sorry you had such an uncomfortable talk with your principal. I think one big takeaway from this thread is that you interpret people not agreeing with you as a problem for you. "I am wrong" or "they think I am wrong." Grow up, stiffen your backbone, and allow people to disagree with you. If you are being misrepresented or misinterpreted, sometimes you have to just let it go, and sometimes you get an opportunity to correct the other person with your own interpretation (not always or you are being controlling and irritating). And sometimes, just sometimes, what they say is worth listening to, not in a "oh god I'm always doing the wrong thing" way but in a "gee it's interesting how I seem to be coming across and what can I modify to come across differently" way.

For what it's worth, from a complete stranger and not privy to your reasonings and meanings, I found your tattoo alarming. It said no second chances right? I think you can expect that people who don't know you very very well are going to interpret that as an angry statement toward your ex that you had permanently inked onto your body. I'm sorry to say that but if you want to know where your W and principal might be coming from, I'll add a stranger's opinion.

Now, you certainly can't be someone who gets tattoos and then get all squeamish about people's opinions. It's there, it's meaningful to you, and it causes some people to be alarmed about you. That seems to be a fact. So in my opinion, this is one to brush off. Let it go. They've said their piece. If your principal has said this and then goes on to see how well adjusted and happy you are managing to life a good life while coping with an enormous amount of stress and transition, then all will settle down and the tattoo will not be an issue. It's just one of several reasons people are concerned that you might not be handling things well. If you ARE in fact handling things well, then their concern is going to dissipate on its own.

If you get a chance, you might welcome the opportunity to talk about your tattoo and what it means to you since without any context it seems likely it's being misinterpreted.

Let backstabbing ideas and W being out of line, IMO, go. Let it go. Resolve their concerns by being OK rather than by trying to control what is said about you.

If your inner sense of how you're doing doesn't match what you're hearing from the outside, think about some things to tweak. Smile more? Meet concern with a "you know, it's tough but I can manage it and I'm feeling good" and change the subject. Don't allow people farther into your personal issues than they need to be, so you don't need to explain to your principal or friends or anyone that you are or arent on ADs or why or when. That's not their business! Their business is, are you OK? Which you can smile and say, doing better every day thanks.

I don't know what it is that I've learned on here, but I'm finding that when people express their concern to me and I say something about how good I feel even though it's sad things will be better than before, and whatever...half the time they say OMG you're the most cheerful person I know you'll be fine and they start to tell me THEIR woe stories and I end up comforting THEM.

I was not like this when I arrived here, believe me. You can fake it till you make it and project the confidence and peace to put people at ease and have confidence in you.

I know you can do it because you feel it on the inside. Just need to project it.