NGF broke up with him, it made/makes him feel as if something is really wrong with him. Massage Girl basically went with a stranger (whom she is now living with and apparently regretting)
NGF went back to LBBF (left behind boyfriend who called my HOUSE) and said it was better to be with someone she knew even if she didn't love him.
Poor guy, H, I mean. I said I loved him and I am not chopped liver
We talked about his need to give to people, but not know when to stop, so he is empty. He says that is what did us in...he was spent. He is not sure what he needs back from someone in order to keep a balance.
I said that massage girl was his lifeline out of the hole he was in and did he think they had a life together-objectively? I mean, he was fooling around with me, she kissed another girl (she's bi) and spent the night at some guy's apt. That she was a taker more than anything.
I then asked if she came back and said "I made a mistake, I love you and want to be with you" would you go back?
He said truthfully he didn't know, but he did know that all his friends would shoot him if he did.
I said that explains a lot to me, thanks.
He said it explains nothing and he is not sure of the reasons why he is not done with this.
I said I didn't realize he was in love, (or thought he was in love-same difference though )
H says he didn't ask me to date him right now because it would only be to fill a void and when he asks it will be for the right reasons. I said good, because i wouldn't have accepted at this point, being fully aware that I am his security blanket. He said, I don't think so...
I also mentioned that perhaps the extent of involvement in each others lives prevents us from moving on fully and that is something that I have been unwilling to look at too closely. Although, I did not mention this to him, I believe I have been the reason both relationships have ended. The first one demanded he stop interacting with me. The second asked if H could possibly stop talking about me all the time...
So, what's that saying? "The next step's a doozy..." Can't say I am ready for it, can't say I will freefall that one. All I know is it is coming to split in my path soon and I will have to decide.
H said "thank you (we spent the day together) I know it isn't easy for you when I reach out like this."
I said that I am fully aware of my emotions in these situations, the why of the situation and am conscious of the choice I make, so I actually don't hurt. It hurts me less to see YOU hurt less. Since I take responsibility for my actions and choices, the emotional state lies with me. When you are truthful with yourself, the emotions never stay long, if at all.
You have a lot of insightful thoughts going on right now. Your R with your H is causing his inability to keep R with OW- Haha, sorry but that is the whole reason why H keeps stumbling...he knows he can't let go of you & so you infiltrate his R's. It's not about what YOU are doing, it's about his journey. And whether you are present or not he knows you are there.
And, knowing you it would be VERY HARD for you not to be. But, if you feel you need to move apart--really give him space and YOURSELF space then that's what you need to do. This may definitely change the dynamics...just do what you think you need to do. (((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
A part of me feels that H should either sh!t or get off the pot, Ruby. The best thing is right in FRONT of him!!! From my perspective, it is not fair to you or to the two of you that he keeps stringing you along. I guess I am just a bit mad for you that this is happening and the 'prize' is seemingly out of reach but yet SO close.
Ruby, your H reminds me so much of Turtle's, seems like he's at the edge of the fog bank and can -almost- see out of it but not quite. You are so strong and maintaining a great attitude, kudos to you
